Looking Up

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.

After a long, difficult summer of often feeling like the bug - I'm ready to be the windshield. For many days now I've started the day determined to change things, to be the windshield again and start making things different. Every night I feel like I crawl into bed defeated. I suppose it's good that every day I try again, because I know that change isn't easy and it takes time. But the disappointment that comes when I head into a situation determined to be different and then find that I'm just not strong enough yet is almost too great to bear. 

I gave a relief society lesson about a year ago that I felt strongly impressed to give. I discussed with the sisters the times that we feel ourselves being beaten down by the winds of life, the adversary, consequences of sin, etc. I challenged every sister to go home and write down her testimony, with the help of the Spirit. Then I challenged them to hold onto that testimony for dear life, to treasure it, and to go back and cling to it in times of difficulty. We ended watching the Mormon Message by Elder Holland, in which he says the following:

"Don’t give up. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."

There was hardly a dry eye at the end of the lesson. We all felt the Spirit so powerfully. But I didn't take the challenge. I was good, I thought. I had it all together. I was the one who gave the lesson, the challenge was meant for those I was teaching, not for me. I was wrong, and there have been many days since then that I have truly regretted not writing down my feelings that day. Fortunately, Elder Holland was right. There are so very many good things to come. Blessings await those who are faithful to the Lord. I know from my past experience that things always get better, and that the times where we feel like the bug on the windshield do pass. It just takes time. 

I am so very grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a wonderful husband, a sweet son, loving parents and in-laws and extended family. I have so many blessings in my life, and those are the things I treasure, even on days where I feel like things will never turn around. Life is truly wonderful, even though it is filled with challenges. 

Viva la Vida.