Waiting

I wake up late and sense the light outside my window. I jump out of bed and rush to the blinds, blinking at the snow in my front yard. Nope, no footprints yet. I get back in bed. But I can't sleep. I'm too excited.

So I get back out of bed and check the fresh snow for prints, just once more. I get ready for the day. When I finish, I run to the front door and peer anxiously down the street, first one way, then the other. Nothing.

I sit down to read a book. But I can't focus. I give in to the urge, my patience shaking its head in defeat. I put on my shoes and open the front door. I run lightly to the mailbox, heart pounding in anticipation. Empty. Still no footprints in the yard, a sure sign in the winter that the mailman has yet to come. I walk the extra few steps down the sidewalk and check both directions. No mail truck.

So I go back inside, put on my slippers, and resign myself to waiting a bit longer. I read some. I get some things crossed off my to do list. There's movement outside the window. Sure enough, the mail lady in her winter boots is tromping through the snow.

I skip the shoes this time and run out barefoot, hardly daring to look inside the mailbox. I lift the lid and see newspaper. Just newspaper. I watch the mailman a couple houses down, just in case she's coming back with a forgotten letter. She's not. My shoulders slump just a little. And my feet are cold.

I take the paper inside. I rifle through it, just in case it's hiding something special inside its inky folds. Nothing but a couple of coupons to Jiffy Lube and Big O Tires. I set the paper down and put my slippers back on. The pile of newspaper taunts me.

I glance at the clock. Twenty-four hours until the mail comes again.

I'm a closet romantic

Minus the closet.

I posted this on Facebook, but then I decided to expound.

I've always been proud of not being a "fall for it" kind of person. I don't swoon over celebrities, don't crush on the cute guy I saw at the store for a split second, don't even fall for the attractive Elder's Quorum president or the nice Activities committee cochair. None of that for me. I'm way too practical - seriously, celebrities? They have a new girl every minute, and there's no way I want even ten minutes of that lifestyle. And really, I'm never going to see that guy in the store again. The Elder's quorum president isn't my type, not one bit, and the activities committee cochair could maybe be perfect for me, but he'd never realize it in a million years. See? Ridiculous to even think about it, much less act on it!

I probably come off super practical, a bit cynical, and just plain disinterested.

The reader would be surprised, then, to see the play count of several popular love songs on my iPod.
They would be surprised to have seen me devouring LDS romantic fiction all afternoon, a longtime Sunday tradition recently reinstated.
They'd definitely be surprised to get hold of my journal or my notebook of poetry I've written off and on through the years, especially the Spanish ones.
And counting the amount of time spent daydreaming is definitely out of the question.

Then again, maybe my practical and disinterested facade isn't as flawless as I like to think it is. Maybe this isn't so surprising after all.

And as long as my fondness for romanticism - in both the literary and relationship sense - is out, I might as well share this quote at the end of my book tonight:

"...and she would know throughout all time the true definition of celestial: eternity with the one you love."

What I want most for Christmas

Someone told me this year that they're going to get me "what I want most for Christmas."

I, of course, am trying to figure out what in the world they meant by that. Because it's not actually possible. Sure, someone could get me something I'd really like, something I'd really enjoy, but they couldn't get me any of the things I want most. The things I want most can't be wrapped up under a tree, or even given in a single day. The things I want most are changes in people's lives - worries to be taken away, problems to be solved, sadness to be erased. I want some people to be able to see themselves how I see them and how God sees them. I want others to find purpose and meaning in their lives. I want people who are struggling to make good decisions to be able to do so. I want people who are sick to be healed, people who are hurt to be comforted.

These things are what I want most, not something that can be unwrapped or pulled from a stocking on Christmas morning. I don't want things for me, I want to see things happen for other people, because that's what makes me happiest. The only thing I would choose for myself couldn't be wrapped up, either, nor could it be given to me this Christmas. And I wouldn't want it to be. Perhaps next year. In the meantime, Christmas is two days away. My wishes are out there. Maybe there'll be a miracle or two this Christmas season. And if not, that's okay too. Sometimes the best wishes are the ones that aren't granted.

Viva la Vida
and Merry Christmas.

December 21

Happy first day of winter!

I don't like Christmas

I had a mind-boggling realization today.

I don't like Christmas.

Day.

I love the Christmas season with all my heart. I love lights, newfallen snow, decorating cookies, Christmas music. I love shopping for the perfect gift, and usually not finding it until you've almost given up. I love making gifts more than anything. I love watching Christmas movies, especially White Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life. I love the magic of decorating the Christmas tree and then turning off all the lights in the house and just sitting under it and staring at the lights, sipping hot cocoa and eating Keebler's Jingles cookies until you fall asleep and dream about magic.

But I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas Day itself.

Maybe it's the fact that in my family, dinner was on Christmas Eve, all the big things were Christmas Eve, there was no extended family to party with on Christmas, and after noon or so it was just over. When I think about the actual Christmas morning, especially now that I'm older and am not as excited about getting that special gift (although I won't lie, I am DYING to drive around town singing to Taylor Swift's new album at the top of my lungs, just sayin'), but yeah, it's just kind of a letdown. What I look forward to most about it is seeing how others like the gifts I got for them, and hoping that they catch a glimpse of how much effort and thought I tried to put into getting them something special.

Christmas, after all, isn't about getting stuff. And for all the things I love about the season, it's not really about any of that, either. Christmas is about Christ - about his birth, his life, and the life He continues to live so that we, too, can live. Because of Christmas, I'm here, living the life I've been given - having adventures, making mistakes, experiencing new things, and learning to truly live. When I think about it that way, it casts a feeling of awe and reverence over the typical carol-singing and cookie-eating.

I guess what it really comes down to, as one of my very favorite characters stated so wisely, "Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more."

It does. And that's what I truly love about Christmas.

Viva la Vida.

It's a girl!!!

Not me, you sillies.

My best friend/practically sister is going to have a girl!

And I am VERY excited for her!!!

Pieces of me

I was thinking tonight about who I am.
What influences have shaped the person I've become?
If any given aspect of my life would have been different, what kind of person would I be today?
How much of me came with me, and how much of me has been shaped by the life I've lived?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I know that every experience, every aspect of my life, has changed me in some way. Losing a friend, and then losing another one. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room. My baptism. The day I sat on the curb and cried with my best friend. The time I learned to forgive someone I hated. The time I realized I hadn't truly forgiven someone that had hurt me. The day I ran away from home. Hundreds of young women activities where I felt alone, and the handful where I didn't anymore. The first day I walked through the junior high school, and the choice I made on the baseball field at lunch. The teacher who wrote in my yearbook and inspired me for the rest of my life. The time I made my first close friends, and the time I had to walk away. The time I stepped on a shoelace and fell in love. The night where my heart broke, and the night where I let it heal. The time where I drove away from a house and my whole world changed. Letting go of something very important to me. The evening on the tennis court where my whole life changed. The day that me and my guitar learned how to truly live. The time I got on an airplane and flew a million miles away, and the day I came back.

It's all a part of me. Moments, experiences, people, hundreds of people who have no idea of the impact they left on my life, but without their being there I wouldn't be the same. It's crazy and amazing and mind boggling all at the same time.

Who am I? What made me me? Who will I be in a year, two years, ten years? What else lies in store?

Viva la Vida

What Christmas is all about...

Christmas!
In 17 days, folks.
Are you ready?
Are you still boggled down with finals and papers and silly sludgy stuff like that?
If you are, maybe you're feeling like Christmas is just expensive
And time consuming
And a lot of work.
Maybe you're having a hard time remembering what Christmas is all about.
If so, you should take a break and watch this.
And take a minute to give thanks for the amazing Gift that was given to us, which we celebrate on Christmas day.





Good luck to you all on finals, work, travels, and anything else you might be struggling with this Christmas season. And merry, merry Christmas!

Rearview Mirror

Have you ever done something you're not proud of?
Been someone you didn't like?
Asked a question that was incredibly unnecessary?
Done something stupid and then mentally kicked yourself for days?
Wished with all your heart you could go back and change the past?

I know I've done all these things on occasion. Especially the last one. But I heard something the other day, I don't remember if it was a commercial or song lyrics or what, but it used the phrase, "looking in the rearview mirror of my life."

It made me think a lot about rearview mirrors.
Everybody's got one. That's not the important part. The important part is that we have windshields, too. And the windshield is waaaay bigger than the rearview mirror. It means that the past is a part of the future, but the future swallows up the past, and there's a whole lot of road up there to live, to fill with good and better things, to improve upon.

It's like knitting a scarf. The first part can be lumpy and uneven, but it gets better as it goes along. I guess life's like that sometimes. You figure it out. It's never going to be perfect, tied up neatly, lined up straight. There'll be problems and trials and plenty of mistakes. But that's not the important part. The important part is keeping going forward. Focus on the good in life, and the good in yourself. Smile. It's so much happier that way.

Viva la Vida.

Onwards and Upwards

Life has a funny way of going on even when you wonder how it will...

• I got a new job. I'm now the Admissions Assistant/Undergrad secretary/person in the School of Music. It's a step up from my old job, I've worked a total of 9 hours now and I love it! It also pays better which will just make life easier... yay for being a less-poor college student!
• I went to the Scarlet Pimpernel musical. The best part was a) the kid playing Armand was super, super cute, and b) I got a copy of the book (I didn't even know there WAS a book!) and am now halfway through. It's really good so far - I love the movie with Jane Seymour the best so far, though. You just can't beat that.
  
• This summer I started sewing an apron. It's going to be fabulously cute when it's done, but so far it's proving difficult. I can't get the pockets right. I made six pockets yesterday and none were satisfactory. When I get it right and it's finished, I'll post pictures.
  
• I ran across my planner from my senior year of high school last night, and I spent an hour reading it and indulging myself in a memory-fest. It's funny the things that change, and the things that don't. I really love life that way.
• I realized today there's only 28 days left of the longest year of my life. The year spent entirely without my best friend. 2010 is almost over. It's been a really good year, but I can't really express how completely excited I am for it to finally be 2011. Still lots of months left, and I'm okay with that - I have lots to do! - but as good as it was, I'm ready to leave 2010 in the dust.
  
• And on that note, 22 days until Christmas!!! The best day of the entire year! And December is definitely the best month!

I love life. I love the crazy ups and downs. I love the opportunities, the moments you snatch and live to the fullest. I love the times when I just look up at the sky and can't help but smile, because I have a beautiful, wonderful life, filled with so many blessings I can't even begin to list! Life is so good to me. Viva la Vida!

The end of a dream.

So I haven't really had the heart to blog about the last week in Spain, but I should probably do it before too much time passes. It went way too fast. Kind of like a freight train rushing off to somewhere, and you can't really get off, because you know you have to get there, but still, you wish you could stay, at least for a moment.

Anyway, our last day in Spain we had "graduation." I'm still waiting for my grades to be posted, but I'm pretty sure I did well. But we had a little graduation ceremony at AlcaLingua to celebrate finishing up.

Vega, Cristina, me, and Rebeca - my teachers. I love these women so much!

Melanie and I with our diplomas - three months of "homework" in our little bedroom paid off! :)

The next day we headed off to the Canary Islands for four days! Only seven of the ten of us went, and our first day there was a bit gloomy, because we were all missing the other three, two of which we may never see again. Plus it was cloudy. But after that, the sun came out, and we spent four days lying on the beach, hanging out at the pool, swimming in the ocean, and staying up reeeeeally late at night talking about life and getting to know each other better.

Carina, Melanie, me, and Isabel. We made some amazing memories in the Canaries that I'll never forget. <3>

Me, Melanie, Isabel, Carina on Playa de las Americas on Tenerife island.

We flew back to Alcala on the 23rd, and then three of us flew backhome on the 24th. I cried for a full half hour once on the plane, when I couldn't see Madrid out my window anymore. My flights went okay, I was delayed in Chicago, but I got home, and that was that.

It's weird thinking back, now, on the whole experience. It seems kind of distant and far away, now that I'm back in "real life" picking up where I left off when I left for Spain. It's a lot like a dream, almost as if it didn't even happen. But it did. And it changed me. It changed the way I look at the world. It opened doors to me that before I was afraid to enter. It changed the way I look at myself, the way I feel about my own capabilities, the way I feel about myself when I interact with groups, with friends. It taught me that people all over the world, albeit we have our cultural differences, are still the same. We all have hopes and dreams and wishes. I think that's the biggest thing I learned - that despite some differences, people all over are still the same. And when you define the relationship by the similarities, not the differences, you find friends you never thought you'd ever discover. Friends that change your life forever.

Viva España!

Rewind

Today was my last official Spain study abroad day.

We're going to party on the beach for a few days, and I'll have another half a day in Alcala, but today was the last official day.

It was a really long day for various reasons. I wasn't proud of myself today, I wasn't really myself at all, and I'm hoping that tomorrow is better, and I'm a better, nicer, and kinder person.

In the meantime, I'd really like to just do today all over again, starting yesterday around 9pm, actually. Too bad life doesn't have a remote control.

# 34 - knit a scarf

Day Zero Project: first goal completed.

I've wanted to knit a scarf ever since my roommate, Angela, knitted one for her boyfrend last winter. My host mom in Spain, Pilar, taught me to knit! One week before heading back to the states, I finished it. I'm quite proud of myself. It could be better, but it's very thick and warm, and it's CHRISTMASSY!

We had fun with the scarf.

Finished product!

Last Trip...

This is a hopeless post - I'm sorry, but life here is rather on the crazy side. We only have four days left of the official program, and then we go off to the islas for a bit, and then home in ten days... I can't believe it.

Anyway, to sum up the last little bit:

Last weekend: A trip to Aranjuez and Chinchon, two small towns near Madrid. I am so pictured-out that I didn't take a single one. It's okay. We saw a royal palace and some pretty gardens and that was all that was really important. Later that night, we went and had dinner at the Restaurante Botin - the oldest restaurant in the world according to the Guinness Book of World Records. And the food was amazing! It was great. They even sang happy birthday to Dallin, who turned 24. Yay!

Week in review: homework, class, FHE, Madrid, wallet-shopping, Madrid temple (baptized in Portuguese, that was cool), trip.

Yes, we left on Wednesday for our last trip. We hit Cordoba, Sevilla, and Granada in four days. We spent a lot of time on the bus, and there was a lot of really beautiful Arab architecture. In Cordoba is a famous mosque that was later turned into a cathedral by the Catholics (of course) but the arches inside are candy-cane striped. I felt like I'd fallen into Candy Land!

In Sevilla we saw the beautiful river, the Plaza de Espana (where Rachel and I ate roasted chestnuts and rented a rowboat and sang Christmas carols - loudly :D), the cathedral, Christopher Columbus' tomb, the Alcazar (a palace), and a fabulous hotel with kitchenettes, in which we made our own dinner and had a dinner party. That was definitely fun!

In Granada, we visited the Alhambra - an Arabic palace that was conquered by the Reyes Catolicos (Ferdinand and Isabella) in 1492, the last stage of the unification of Spain. It's one of, if not the, most famous tourist attraction in Spain. We also saw the tombs of said Reyes and went on a night tour of Granada, ending in Las Cuevas, a cave-like bar where we watched gypsies perform real, authentic flamenco - guitar, dance, and song. It was AMAZING.

This was our last trip as a group. This week we have finals, for the which I ought to be studying, so, enjoy the pictures!

Reflecting pool in the Alhambra

Guadalquivier River in Sevilla
BEAUTIFUL dinner
In the mosque at Cordoba

Windmills in Andalucia

In the gardens of the Alhambra

The Alhambra lit up at night
Orange in Cordoba - Andalucia is famous for its orange trees. This thing tasted NASTY (it was still green) but it made a great picture...
Torre de Oro in Sevilla - this is a famous tower with a gold roof on the top part. The picture is taken looking from the bridge, where people lock padlocks onto the bridge with their initials to "lock their love"

El Muelle de San Blas

So I've fallen in love with this song by Mana. It's so sad... but so beautiful.

Here's the translation; it's more beautiful in Spanish, but this is pretty close.

She said goodbye to her love
He left in a ship from the San Blas dock
He swore he would come back
And through her tears she swore she would wait
A thousand moons came and went,
And she was still at the dock, waiting.
Many sunsets reflected
In her hair and on her lips.

She wore the same dress
So that when he came back,
He would not mistake her.
Crabs bit her, her dress, her sadness and her illusion.
And time went by,
Her eyes were filled with the dawn.
She fell in love with the sea
And her body became a part of the dock

Alone, alone in memories
Alone, alone with her spirit
Alone, alone with her love, the sea
Alone at the San Blas dock

Her hair turned white
But no ship brought back her love
And in the village people called her
The crazy woman of the San Blas dock
And one April afternoon
They tried to take her to the asylum
But no one could take her away
And they never separated her from the sea

Alone, alone in memories
Alone, alone with her spirit
Alone, alone with her love, the sea
Alone at the San Blas dock
Alone, alone she stayed…

Read at your own risk

Yes, this is going to be a venting post, because I'm up to my ears right now. Yes, this is about my life and my future and not knowing what the heck I'm doing with it - not for any lack of ideas or resources, but simply for the overabundance of them and my inability to figure out what I really want. Then also, that frustrating longing to dance again like I used to that just plain will not go away, no matter what I do (you know, I thought going to Spain would finally help me get over that - no go. I miss it like crazy.) And then the frustration of not being able to fit a dance class in my schedule this next semester because I have to have a block of time to work. And then there's also wondering what exactly it is that I'm majoring in, and what I want to do with whatever that happens to be, honestly, I'm about ready to throw in the towel and drop out of college and go back to clogging. I think I was happier there - not to mention I was me and I knew what I wanted. To dance. The rest of my life.

What the heck happened?!?!

Cast off the chains

Momentary abandonment of nearly all reason creates a surprisingly euphoric sense of liberation.

Doors open up before me. Barriers previously deemed so important crumble like miniature versions of the Berlin Wall, inhibitions and worries and fears fleeing before the dawn of endless possibilities flooding my mind. Faith cannot coexist with fear, and when fear is gone, the sun can rise on a beautiful new day. I pride myself on my practical nature. Abandoning practicality for a moment or two feels like skydiving into a whole new world, feels like standing on top of the tallest mountain in the blazing sunrise, feels like leaping into a pool of the clearest water imaginable.

Freedom. Sometimes the chains that bind us are not those imposed by dictators or wars or prison guards. I am my own captor, and my prisoner is myself. As binding as the chains in a prison camp are the chains of fear and insecurity, the defenses against all the "what if"s that I ask myself a thousand times a day. Release from the bonds of needing to see the end from the beginning is learning to live in the sunlight instead of the shadow.

Treasure and dead people

Trip 8 - El Escorial, Segovia - aaaand Halloween!

Friday - El Escorial.

Honestly, El Escorial was slightly anticlimactic - a very large palace/monastery/thing in the bottom of which were interred a LOT of kings and queens and royalty of Espana. It was definitely sort of weird thinking I was in a room with 50 or so dead people from the 1500s... pretty cool, though.

We also went to Manzanares - El Real - a castle near El Escorial. This is my favorite favorite castle in Spain - there's a picture of it hanging on my bedroom door at home. I just thought it looked so cool. However, after visiting it, it was not near as cool as anticipated. I like Coco Castle better - see my early post about our trip to Leon and Burgos - that castle was better. Manzanares is a re-build, and the inside's been turned into a museum, so, not as authentic. Still nice though.

Manzanares castle

Manzanares El Real - castle

Saturday - Segovia. I actually really liked Segovia. It was really pretty, with lots of fall leaves and colors. It was rainy and cold, but it was very fall-ish.

Rachel, Carina, and I jumping in leaves. Yes, our expressions are really weird... the camera blurred a bit.

In Segovia we visited the Alcazar, a royal palace - very famous. It's actually the palace the Disney castle most resembles! (see picture below). It made me miss Disneyland. The Alcazar is also where Christopher Columbus originally approached Isabel and Fernando to ask them about going to America. (Although, our guide said that, but I feel like I've been told like three different places this happened... I think every city wants their palace to be the one he went to...)

The Alcazar - see the Disney castle resemblance on the right side/tower part?

On top of one of the towers of the Alcazar, with the Segovia cathedral in the background.

Friday night we also went to a YSA Halloween dance at the stake center in Madrid. It was a costume dance; Dallin, one of the guys in our group, dressed up like Edward from Twilight, and he had an avid following of picture-taking girls the whole night. At one point seven or eight of them ran up, squealing, joined hands in a circle and danced around him. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. The dance was great fun, though; it was very similar to stake dances in Utah, though there were fewer people, and they played a LOT of Latin dancing music, to which I can't dance - I'm not good enough friends with my hips to dance like that... :D

From left to right: David/Mexican soap opera character, Spanish girl, Spanish guy, Spanish friend Susie/hippie, me/cowgirl, Lindsey/Pocahontas, Kenneth/Hot Rod, Rachel/genie
(yes, I know I was sorta blinking here... but... it's the best I've got :D)

Unexpected Adventures...

So Rachel and I decided to take a little trip into Madrid today - hit up some museums, maybe eat some authentic food...

We had a map, I promise.
The reading of the map proved more difficult than we'd anticipated.
After wandering in a forest (aka, large city park) for what seemed like HOURS, we determined we needed to be on the other side of the six-laned freeway.
That would be when we noticed the massive tower with the sign saying "Museo de America" on it. We're brilliant, and blind, apparently.

After having spent 45 minutes of wandering in circles we arrive at the museum.
We then decide to practice our international espionage skills, because somehow we've managed to arrive at the exact moment as our professor and her parents - talk about weird timing, seriously, of all the museums they could've gone to today, they had to pick this one?
We dodge them for a bit, and finally realize it's hopeless and give in and say hi. Despite Rachel's fabulous Charlie's Angels sneaking skills.

We then head over to the famous National Library, full of old, old books in display cases.
Rachel about dies of excitement when she FINALLY sees the old, old Darwin book on evolution that she was SO hoping to see, and just as she lifts the camera...
The security guard comes over and tells us NO PICTURES.
We try to use the espionage skills to come back and take one anyway, but he's following us around. Laaaaame.

So then we're starving.
And what restaurant do we happen upon, but the Cafe Gijon!!! (Only the most awesome cafe in Madrid, where intellectuals, artists, writers, poets, etc have been eating lunch for the past 100 years.)
We're a bit underdressed, but we go in anyway.
We can't understand the waiter's accent, the food was all seafood stuff, and they didn't have Fanta. But it was SO COOL! We felt intellectual. And famous.

On our way back to the Metro, we see a massive, impressive building. We try to go in, but the police officer outside informs us it's closed. I think if we'd taken another step he was ready to tackle us.

We find a street stand and buy ridiculous numbers of postcards for our scrapbooks, meet a couple from Colorado, walk through a creepy tunnel to get to the Metro, and fall asleep on the train home.

Oh you know, just another day in Spain... :D

Recent Randomness

- After our short afternoon in France, I've decided French is actually pretty cool.

- Today we went to the Madrid temple and did baptisms! All the workers there right now were from Bordeaux, France. I read the Introduction the the Book of Mormon in French while in the chapel, and was surprised at how much I understood.

- I have officially decided to learn French again - you know, along with my native Spanish, which will always and forever be my first love.

- I love Spanish very much. In fact, I might cry when I have to start speaking English full-time again. Today I couldn't remember the English word for something. It made me so happy.

- I get to register for winter classes tomorrow - and I'm superexcited for my schedule!

- I started knitting a scarf! But I'm a perfectionist, and I'm going to start again, because I made it way too wide. But I'm super excited - I can knit!

- I think I want to go to spring term this year.

- It's almost 2011 - and that scares me. I can't believe it.

- I've basically stopped doing my hair since coming to Spain - my hairdryer barely works and my straightener doesn't, so, what's the point. Surprisingly, life has gone on as normal. I kind of like it sometimes.

- I have the best host mom of the whole study abroad. The Spanish have officially surrendered in the Spanish-American Food Wars - and now she still loves me even though I hardly ever eat all my food. And she's teaching me to knit, and she likes to talk to me. Love :)

- I'm going to go to the Canary Islands for four days at the end of this program! I'm very excited about this. I have learned on this program that I have a deep love of the ocean.

- I wrote a poem today in Spanish. I'm quite proud of how it turned out.

Random things about Spain you might not have known:

- Grass seems to be pets' litterboxes. People look at you weird if you sit on the grass. They look at you even weirder if you're doing exercises on it. We went running the other day, and worked our abs afterward.

- People live with their parents til they're 35 or married. It's weird to move out. Weird.

- You have to pay for grocery bags at the grocery store, you have to bag your own groceries, basically nothing is free... haha.

- Doggy bags at restaurants? Yeah right. You'll get some suuuuper weird looks and probably a refusal.

- Something like 55% of the people in Madrid are over 50. There's lots of little cute old couples walking around.

I love Spain, Spanish, languages, linguistics, the temple, Harry Potter, poetry, and Nutella.

Life is amaaaaazing!

Forever memories

The sense of smell is the most powerful memory in the human mind.

You never really forget smells. You might forget what they are, but even if it's been years and years, you'll recognize a smell when you smell it again.

Today I was walking down a street in Spain, talking about something with a friend, and suddenly I wasn't in Spain anymore, I was in a tent with the sun shining through the pine trees, using an old foot pump to blow up an air mattress that smelled strongly of plasticky rubber.

Memories attached to smells are so vivid.

Some of my best memories smell like bubblegum chapstick, warm apple cider, wet grass in the early morning, movie theater popcorn, salty ocean air, new suit straight from the store, french fries, and mountains.

If only I could capture it, remember it, hold moments in a bottle, perhaps preserved like cologne, keep them in a closet labeled Scents of the Past, release them only in the desperate moments where I feel like the memories are rapidly unraveling, slipping through the cracks of my mind, keep them from escaping the confines of my heart.

Complete and total beauty

Trip 7 (I think?) - Santander, Bilbao, FRANCE, San Sebastian -

Four days of fabulousness. Main focus: beaches. This is the northern coast of Spain, and it is completely gorgeous - beaches, greenery, mountainy hills, all rolled into one makes for total beauty! I'll let the pictures talk for themselves this post.

Santander

Beach in Santander

On the beach in Santander

Cool cemetery outside Santander
Beach in St Jean de Luz, France! It says "I love you" :D

Melanie and I in Biarritz, France
Patisserie in St Jean de Luz, France
Beach in St Jean de Luz, France
San Sebastian - Playa de la Concha (shell-shaped beach - super famous)

The beautiful view of San Sebastian - northern coast of Spain

Probably my favorite part of the trip was visiting France. It was cool being in a country where I really, really don't speak the language. Although we were so close to the border that most of them spoke English or Spanish, so we didn't really have trouble communicating for the most part. It was a cool experience. I love study abroad. Even though there've been some problems, and some disappointments, overall this has been the most amazing and biggest growing experience I think I've ever had. One month left. SAD!!!!

Walls and Skulls and Astronauts and Chocolate

Trip 6 - Avila, Salamanca,

Basically I haven't blogged about this trip yet because it was pretty ordinary and there wasn't a ton to say. But we went first to Avila. Avila is famous for walls surrounding all the old part of the city. While there, we went up on said walls and watched a parade/procession of sorts. It was pretty cool - it was the Day of Santa Teresa of Avila, so they were having a religious procession/festival.

The walls of Avila

Later that day we went to Salamanca. Salamanca is home to the University of Salamanca - the oldest in Spain and fourth oldest in the world. It has a super cool plataresque facade (yes, I did just use both those words AND I know what they mean, go me) and it is also home to Cathedrals (plural). There's two cathedrals connected - one is older than the other by about 300 years. They're both two different styles of architecture, so they're pretty cool to look at.

Old building? I think not... haha. This is carved around the door of the cathedral. The building is old, but this part of the carvings was redone in the 90s, and they carved an astronaut in to celebrate modern science. Another part shows a dragon eating an ice cream cone. Way cool.

This is the facade of the University of Salamanca. Ask me sometime - I can label all the plataresque characteristics for you. (we had a test today, so I know stuff now :P)

Casa de las Conchas
So there was this man whose daughter married nobility - thereby giving him new social status. To show off his new status to the world, he did this to his house. The conchas, or shells, are part of the family crest of the family his daughter married into. Show-off...

We spent the night in Salamanca, and visited Toro and Tordecillos the next day - two small towns with a lot of churches. Suffice it to say, we were ready to be done with the churches by the time we left. I really am starting to believe they want us to come home Catholic, with all the churches we visit. However, we did see the first little bit of Mass when in Avila, which was pretty cool, not going to lie.

Random picture of me in Tordecillo, before visiting a monastery - Lindsey took this and I really liked it. There was a really pretty view of a river up at the top of this street.

What I'm going to miss the most...

I might miss Spain when I leave.

It struck me as I walked down the street in Salamanca and paused in the middle of Plaza Mayor. It was night, and a beautiful half-moon hung above the 16th century walls. The buildings shone golden with authentic-style lamplight, and people were everywhere, walking, talking, laughing, eating, spending time with friends, just living.

Up above me the first star came out. Yes, I did wish on it.

And I realized this was what I was going to miss most - not the Spanish, not the food, not the cathedrals, not any of the stuff we see on our trips - I was going to miss the friendly atmosphere in the streets. Being out in a city at night has always scared me - but there's a sense of community here, a shared feeling of friendship, to some extent. I love the "street culture;" eat on the street, get together on the street, walk on the street, etc. At home everyone has their cars, their houses, their yards, their cubicles, their fences. We put up walls and push our neighbors out. Here you can hear your neighbor two floors up singing to the radio. You know the neighbor across the street because you walk to the train station together every morning. The owner of the bar on the corner is your best friend - he sells you hot coffee and churros every morning on your coffee break.

Maybe it's just me and I'm overly optimistic about Spain, Alcala, all of it. But even if I am, it's still true at least to some extent - and I think that's what I'm going to miss the most.

"Culture"

Think about it.

The Spanish arrived in South America and called the natives uncivilized and without culture because they were bloodthirsty and primitive.

But the Romans had gladiator fights, and somehow that's "culture."

And the Spanish have bullfights.

I'm actually more than 95% ashamed of myself for going - however, the 5% appreciation is because it solidified in my mind that I'm 100% against it. Culture or not. Six bulls died last night for absolutely no reason at all, and I paid money to go in and watch.

It's true, there's a lot of "technique" involved. It's supposed to be a showdown between the man and the bull, a place to prove the courage and valor of each, in essence, a representation of the age-old struggle between man and beast for domination.

Man wins in the end. It's a bittersweet victory - and for me, it makes them as "primitive and uncultured" as the indigenous peoples in the Americas.

So maybe I'm a strong supporter of animal rights. Maybe I'm unappreciative of cultural traditions. Maybe I'm just religious.

Moses 3:19:
"And out of the ground I, the Lord God, formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and commanded that they should come unto Adam, to see what he would call them; and they were also living souls; for I, God, breathed into them the breath of life..."

If God gave those bulls the breath of life, who are we to take it away?

I'm not saying it's never okay to kill animals. I instead side with the Native Americans - whose belief was that when man took the life from a fellow animal, it was never without a purpose - and they prayed for the soul of the animal to rest peacefully and to forgive them. Then they wasted nothing.

Somehow I don't think "cultural traditions" are going to be on the list of acceptable purposes at the end of the day. It was a waste - a waste of a beautiful life, a beautiful animal, a beautiful spirit - now in a better place than this rather messed-up world we've got down here.

90 minutes in heaven, well, just about

Trip 5: Valencia, Toledo:

Thursday, October 7 - reunited with the now-very-familiar bus and headed off to the mysterious land of Valencia.

First stop: Lladro factory. Lladro (accent on the O) is a very prestigious brand of porcelain. We stopped at the factory and took a tour and saw how it's made. Very, very cool. I would definitely have the patience to do that for a living - for about three and a half minutes. Then chuck it out the window, I say! The detail was amazing.

After the tour, our group spent a rather LONG time in the "seconds" store - meaning they had all the "flawed" statues at a "discounted" price. I put these words in quotes because the flaws were completely invisible... as were the discounts... no, they were cheaper than the perfect stuff, but seriously, $200 for a porcelain statue? Please. I can find statues I like better at Hallmark in the mall.

Obviously, I have not developed a taste for the prestigious and exquisite.

Nonetheless, here's some of the pretty stuff they had in their showroom:

Hello Kitty grew up and got married

This piece - about 2-3 feet long - took two years to design and complete. It's the most expensive piece Lladro has ever done - I believe it's about $120,000, if I remember right. It's Nefertiri's boat on the Nile - Charlton Heston, go ahead and let your jaw drop, they didn't give you anything this cool in The Ten Commandments movie.

This piece did speak to my heart a bit.

As did this one. If I would have bought anything here, it would have been this statue. I feel they captured the missionary spirit really well.

After Lladro, we went on a walking tour of the city at night (thank you Dallin, for being our tour guide). It looked basically like all the other Spanish cities, so I won't bore you with pictures. However, we then arrived at our dinner destination - a fabulous paella restaurant. Paella is one of the best dishes ever invented. I refuse to come home from Spain without learning how to make it.

Friday morning: We went to the Ciudad de Artes y Ciencias, a fabulous modern museum near the harbor in Valencia. It looked like something out of Star Wars. We only went in the science museum part - it had a bunch of cool interactive exhibits.

There were pools of water all over. We all wanted to swim in them. Which is probably what prompted us to speed through the museum and go to the BEACH!!!

We spent about an hour and a half on the beach. The day was perfect, the weather was perfect, there was basically nobody there at the beach, the water was just barely chilly but still great, also super salty. I went out farther in the ocean than I have before - okay, so I haven't actually ever been out that far, this time, we were out where we could touch and sort of bodysurf the waves. It was a super clean and smooth beach. Basically, it was amazing!!

The seven of us who swam in the ocean - the others only waded a bit.

Saturday: Toledo

It couldn't have been more of a contrast - cold, wet, rainy, gloomyish... did I say cold?

Toledo is famous for it's mazapan, a kind of candy (marzipan? not sure) and also it's swords/blades. It's also famous for another cathedral, a painting by El Greco that hangs in a church there, and a large weapons museum. Store windows. Mmm.

Toledo

Tomb? of El Greco - famous painter. It was cold. You can tell. :)