Happy New Year

Today is the first day of a brand new year.

I know, you're confused. "New Year's isn't until January 1st! It's only September 27th!"
But, when you think about it, a new year starts every single day. Each day of our lives we're given the opportunity to start fresh, to set goals, to make resolutions, and to leave the past behind as we face forward with a new hope for the future.

Ryan likes to tell me I'm perfect. And when he does, it makes me smile. I think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing man think so highly of me. However, we've instead adopted the phrase "You're perfect for me" in lieu of calling each other perfect. Because, let's face it, as much as we'd all like to be perfect, none of us are. Only our Savior, Jesus Christ, came to earth and lived a perfect life. The rest of us struggle. We have failings and shortcomings. Sometimes our mistakes are small, and sometimes they're big. But we all have them. Myself included.

One of my favorite songs talks about how "the person who I've been lately isn't who I want to be." I think everyone sings these lyrics to themselves at one point or another in their life. I sometimes look back at a day or a week or even a month and think, "That's not who I am. That's not how I act. I'm better than that." And it can be incredibly disheartening to realize that I've spent so much time living far below my potential as a daughter of God.

I was thinking about that this morning, thinking about all the times I've been unkind, or judged harshly, and all the times I've made excuses for myself when I didn't do everything I knew I should. And I started feeling pretty down about it.

And then I remembered something my mission prep teacher said two years ago. He told us that repentance and forgiveness is literally becoming a new person. Just like starting a new year every day, repentance allows us to start over at the beginning - just as if it had never happened and we had been perfect all along. And once I repent, all of my frustration and shortness is gone, because that was the old me, and this is the new me.

I remember in class thinking that that was kind of weird, and I didn't quite get the concept of forgiving and forgetting - especially forgiving myself. But the more I come to understand about the Atonement, the more I know that it's true. "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more." (Doctrine & Covenants 58:42) If the Lord forgives and forgets my sins and moves on, who am I to refuse to do so as well?

President Holland gave one of my all-time favorite talks at BYU one year - and it's one that still makes me cry every time I read it. As he said:

Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again.... Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it, until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future, and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are, and with His help, where you are willing to go. That is the thing Lot's wife didn't get. This is an important matter to consider at the start of a new year ‐‐ and every day ought to be the start of a new year and a new life. Such is the wonder of faith and repentance and the miracles of the Gospel
of Jesus Christ.

So happy new year! I stand forever grateful for my Savior - who suffered so that I could have a clean slate, and when I mess up again, as I almost inevitably will, so that I could have another one. And one day we'll be able to stand with Him and see just how far we've come, all thanks to His infinite love and sacrifice.

Viva la Vida.

Day Zero #13 - Run in an official race/event

Kokopelli.

That's a fun word to say. It happened Saturday down in St George. Friday we (me, Ryan, Ryans' brother and sister and brother's brother-in-law and his parents) packed up and went down to St. George. After checking in and getting our numbers written all over us in Sharpie (NOT my favorite part of running in a triathlon!) we went out to eat, all ordered too much food (apparently because we were about to run a race we all thought we could eat more? go figure) and then went to bed.

We all woke up bright and early (correction: I was already awake, having had nightmares about oversleeping and missing the entire thing and losing my shoes - who knows where that came from) and we headed down to the state park. There were like half a bazillion people there, it was crazy. We set everything up and got all ready.

The swim was first, and I was the first of our group to start, since I was doing the sprint distance instead of the regular Olympic length. I was super nervous... but when I jumped in the water, I got really excited, especially since my wetsuit was practically keeping me afloat, and keeping all the water out. The wetsuit practically pushed me the whole time, and sand hollow reservoir is PERFECT for swimming in! I loved it. I finished the swim in the middle of my group - 24 minutes. Not great, but it's a personal best.

Getting out of the water after the swim

The bike and run were after that... nothing too exciting, the bike course was insane, there was this GIANT hill that wanted to kill everyone, curse whoever decided the race course should be over that hill... but I made it, and then the run wasn't too hard. However, at the end you had to run up this hill. Then at the top, people start cheering for you, just because they're nice like that. So me, being excited and all, decide to sprint to the finish. But unfortunately, I started my sprint WAY too soon... and had to take it back a few notches before I actually crossed the line.

Yeah. This is how I felt by the time I was almost to the end.

And then I noticed the photographer right there taking pictures of me. So I smiled, that seemed like the appropriate thing to do. And then it clicked that I had just FINISHED a triathlon and then my smile was for real. Awesome.

Crossing the finish line

It was definitely an experience to remember, and maybe to repeat... We'll see!

Ryan and I after finishing. I'm marrying a triathlete :)

I should be doing homework...

But.... it's not as fun as...

Wedding dress? Check!
Furniture for apartment? Check!
Colors picked? Check!
Food for reception decided upon? Mostly check!

Aaaaand that's about as far as I've gotten. Oh snap. Three months :)

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnd if it's not too much trouble, I'd just like to say that while being engaged has its frustrating times, when you just wish like heck that time would hurry up already... knowing that I'm going to get to spend eternity with the guy I fell in love with nearly four years ago is the most amazing feeling in the world. I'm so lucky, and so happy!

And if you're tired of reading about how head over heels in love I am, you can take a refreshing break and watch this video here:

Recent favorite

I love this song.

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.

-God Gave Me You - Blake Shelton

I think in terms of December...

Typical conversation:

"Are you engaged?!"

"Yep!"
"Oh, congratulations, that's so exciting!"
"Yeah, we're pretty excited!"
"So when's the big day?"
"The 16th."
"Of this month?! Oh my gosh! That's so awesome!"
"Oh... no... not this month, it's the 16th of December."

I keep having to remind myself that not everyone naturally assumes that "the 16th" means December... it's going to be a long semester...