Daffodils!

Sometimes, I am a genius. Not really, but I had a lot of fun writing this parody of the poem by Wordsworth. I promise, it will definitely brighten your day!


I wandered lonely as a clown
That stumbles along on crazy stilts
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host of angry daffodils.
Beside the wall, upon the rocks
Shouting and yelling at a fox.

Continuous as the taxis roll
And honk upon the motorway,
They marched and pushed a bouncy ball
Along their hot and angry way.
Ten thousand saw I at a glance
Raising their spears in Spartan dance.

The grass beside them withered brown
They pierced the leaves upon the ground.
A poet can’t help but be afraid
Of such a fearsome flower brigade.
I stared in fright, and every thought
Was on escaping from this lot.

For oft, when in my bed I lie
Shaking with terror from the sight,
They flash upon that inward eye,
Remind me oft of all my fright.
And then my heart with terror fills
And runs, screaming, from the daffodils.

The rhythm of my life

Steady 8 count rhythms, music blasting in my ear, my stomach is turning somersaults and my heart is pounding in my chest, my shoes click as I walk confidently across the stage, my face glued into a grin, I refuse to let it betray how nervous I feel. Nervous is the N word when you're a performer. The music swells, 1, 2, 3, 4, and with a kick I've started, pushing my way to the front, nailing toe knocks and spinning on a hop scuff up into a grab off on my right foot. "Back it up!" and we move back, and then it's my turn, and suddenly I'm sailing across the stage, I feel light as a feather, my feet are flying to the beat of the music, the rhythm is a part of me now, nothing can stop me, nothing, nothing at all. I know I've nailed it before I'm even through, and the smile on my face is no longer fake, it's real, a feeling that compares to nothing else.

I'm not surprised later when I run my finger down the page taped to the wall and see first place next to my name. I'm not surprised when they call my name for the All-American team and hang a medal around my neck. I'm not surprised when I open that long-awaited letter, and find that I've finally made the top team in my studio, for another amazing year of clogging.

But then I wake up, and I remember that the feeling was only that; a feeling. I didn't get first place, and I didn't make the All-American team. I opened that long-awaited letter and I was on Sensations again, and someone else was celebrating that night, and I sat on the swingset for hours after the Folkfest was over and cried until I had no tears left to cry. And I had to weigh my options for my life and realize that no matter how happy clogging made me, I wasn't going to ever be at the top, no matter how hard I tried, or how big I smiled. Life is full of one way streets, and I had to turn down one of them and leave clogging behind in favor of something that maybe I have a chance of succeeding in.

But I still wake up with freestyle music in my head. I still pore over my photo albums from Branson. I still remember that one final year, the year that I thought I had finally made it, the year that I thought was the beginning of something amazing, that turned out to be the end. I don't think I'll ever know why I didn't get picked to be on Premiere. I don't think I'll ever know what was wrong with me, why everyone made All American except for me, why I could never seem to quite do well enough. I don't think I'll ever know why I didn't really fit in. But despite the politics and the breaks in my heart, I loved clogging. I still love clogging, and I miss it like crazy. When I danced, I felt like nothing in my life or in the world could ever bring me down.

I stopped clogging when I stopped dancing with RME. I didn't dance at home, not in my room, not at all. I thought maybe if I just cut it out of my life completely, I would stop missing it. That, I think, was a mistake. It's been almost a year, and I still miss it. Maybe I should keep trying, keep dancing. I don't know where I can practice, I don't have a place, but I think this is something I need to work out. Because clogging is part of me, and it's a part of me that I miss. Maybe I won't get to perform, maybe I won't get to compete. But I can still dance, and no one, no one at all, can take that away from me.

The things that make it worth it

I keep reading people's blogs about their awesome summers and feel a little like the one girl in the sisterhood of the traveling pants who stays home and babysits and works at a grocery store all summer while her friends go off on adventures... My life right now consists of work, dinner, sleep, work... etc. Fortunately in just over a week I'll be on an awesome vacation, which will hopefully make up for the lack of crazy adventures right now. However, there's definitely some great things to be said about my summer.

- One of the main highlights is working in the yard/on the house. It gets better every time we work on something, and I love it!
- I just got called to be a Relief Society teacher. That will definitely be a growing experience...
- My jobs are awesome, and the schedule, though I wish it was full time, allows me some sleeping in time. It's kind of nice, after years of leaping up early every morning. I'm enjoying it while it lasts - I don't expect extended periods of sleeping in will happen again in my life for a long time.
- I'm getting closer and closer to leaving for Spain. It's real!
- My mom is amazing. I'm so glad I decided to live with her this summer!

That, my friends, is making my life worth living right now! Along with the friends I sometimes have time to see, of course. :) Life is good!

The time that is given to us

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

I like this quote, a lot. It's easy in times of trouble to wish some things had simply never happened. But it's true, it is not for us to decide. Ours is to make the most of what we are given, learn the lessons, and come out stronger. If we choose to do that, in the end everything will all make sense

A whole new world...

I decided to blog about the yard remodeling we're doing all summer. Here's our beginning - taking apart the garden.

Before:


After:

I feel old...

And this is why:

My best friend's scrawny little brother who we tied up in my basement once is soon going on a mission.

Quite a number of my friends from high school have graduated from college - two year schools, yes, but a college graduation.

My piano teacher's annoying little daughter who used to bug her mom for fruit snacks in the middle of the lessons is graduating from high school.

I no longer know a single person attending my high school.

The neighbor kids who used to play on my street now have kids of their own playing on my street.

My cat is older than I am - in cat years.

People don't ask me what high school I go to anymore (well, at least not most people.)

I have a passport and a credit card and a loan.

I tend to laugh at teenage girls when I see them in their clusters at the mall or the restaurants.

I like onions, eat with my napkin in my lap, wash my own dishes, push my chair in after dinner, enjoy talking to people my mom's age, and love relief society.

Twelve days left of being a teenager. But I think I stopped being one a long time ago. It's just weird sometimes, thinking about it, especially when I see everyone around me getting so much older, and I think, "but I'm not that much older!" My mom says she does the same thing. I guess it runs in the family? Growing up is weird and strange and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I saw pretty pictures of people's proms on Facebook - I think I want to go back to that April, instead of this one. But I wouldn't even fit in there anymore. Funny how life changes without you even realizing it.