The good and the bad...

Budgeting is the bane of my existence, next to the IRS - which happens to be a big reason that budgeting is the bane of my existence.

The bad news? I paid $1600 less on my student loan this summer than I had planned. That's a hefty chunk of money.

The good news? It wasn't entirely my fault. I made $1500 less this summer than I had planned. About 450 of that went to the IRS. $250 went to office closures due to university, state, and federal holidays. And the remaining $800 went to time off for a vacation - since I neglected to consider a family vacation when I planned my summer income schedule.

My sense of relief at realizing I did not squander all of $1600 this summer is pretty great - however, it's closely followed by the sense of frustration that I lost $700 to taxes and federal holidays... Especially when a significant portion of that went to Social Security - which I have zero hope of ever seeing in my bank account.

"Money talks. Mine mostly likes to call goodbye as it hurries away."

Viva la Vida. Preferably inexpensively.

Swimming laps

I learned how to swim laps this week. And by swimming laps, I mean learning the general art of keeping my head in the water, coordinating my breathing, keeping my eyes in my goggles open, swimming a straight line, NOT inhaling the entire pool... etc. 

It's like life. There's a lot to think about. If you stop doing any of the important things, you choke, and the water wastes no time in trying to drown you. You have to be diligent, keep moving forward, keep a steady rhythm going, and not panic when things don't go quite right. 

You also have to slow down. President Uchtdorf gave an amazing conference address where he challenged us to focus on the things that matter most, to simplify our lives a little. When life gets stressful and challenges arise, too often we try to keep up the same frantic pace. There is no shame in stopping to breathe, in taking some time to refocus on the important things in life. Just like in swimming, too often we choke a little and instead of slowing to take a deeper breath, we plunge on ahead, often nearly drowning ourselves in the process. 

Life is too beautiful to waste a single moment coughing and spluttering in a frantic pace toward a supposed finish line. Life is not a race, but a journey, to be taken at the pace that most enables us to progress. Worry, fear, and stress are a part of life. They visit every so often, and when they do, it is up to us to take a deep breath and continue paddling, to continue doing the things that matter most. The Lord counsels, "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength...but be diligent unto the end." (D&C 10:4) 

With perseverance and unwavering faith, pretty soon we'll finish our laps and reach the end of the pool and, like Paul, be able to say, "I have fought a good fight,  I have finished my course, I have kept the faith... Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day." (2 Tim. 4:7-8). 

Viva la Vida.

True smiles

In the movie "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton," which a very good friend so kindly introduced me to, one of the characters describes another character's different smiles.

It made me think. Don't we all have different smiles?

The I'm irritated but trying to be nice smile.
The That was genuinely funny and I'm quite entertained smile.
The Will you hurry up and take this darn picture smile.

But on a more basic level, nearly everyone has at least two distinct smiles: the picture-taking smile and the spontaneous, truly happy or joyful smile.

I got to see one of the latter tonight, one that I hadn't seen in a long, long time. And that was the best moment out of a thousand million wonderful moments all strung together - and a moment I'm not likely to forget.

Viva la Vida.

Live Mindfully

New mantra.

Here's a question: How many of you can remember who you talked to first this morning? Where were you? How many people passed by you while you were conversing? What color were the other person's eyes? What did you talk about? What was the other person wearing?

What color are the mountains? How many colors? Could you sketch from memory the basic shapes of them?

How did you get to _____ this morning? Did you pass any people? How many of them were talking on phones? Were there birds chirping? How many different kinds of trees did you pass, or were they all the same?

Flowers are popping out all over campus. Stop and look at one. REALLY look at it. What do you see? How many colors? How many parts? What shape are they?

So much of life is spent rushing from place to place, constantly "doing" and never seeing, hearing, noticing whatever is around us. The Buddhist view is that we must live mindfully, for this is all there is to life. While I certainly don't believe that, I agree that I spend much of my time focused on the future, either close or distant, and I miss the moments happening all around me.

My challenge to myself is to be where I am. Really be there. To really see people when I look at them, to really experience my surroundings. It's not that hard with a little practice, but it adds ever so much depth and beauty and meaning to life.

Live mindfully.
Viva la Vida.

Regretting.

I saw someone tonight that I haven't talked to in six years.

The last time we did talk, I broke his heart in the middle of the sophomore hall.

It's silly now - heck, I wasn't even sixteen years old yet, and it was just high school drama. But the way that he was never anything but nice to me, and yet I treated him like a worn-out pair of shoes, that has stuck with me for six years. So I saw him tonight at a party. I looked over at him a few times, but, I'm ashamed to say, I was still too embarrassed and self-conscious to say a word. I'm sure by now he really couldn't care less - it was two months in 10th grade, and he probably laughs about it now. But it still haunts me, and I'm terribly embarrassed of how self-centered and inconsiderate I was.

It leaves me thinking "now what?" I don't know how to contact him except maybe through Facebook, and even if I did, it would seem ridiculous to apologize after all this time. But it would make me feel better.

There are only a few things in life that I truly regret. That moment and the way I acted is one of them. To him, I'm sorry for the hurt I caused him, however small or silly it seems now. Live and learn, right?

It was the best of times...

I am officially more than halfway done with my college education. It's rather a crazy thought. I took my last final, sold back a textbook, and walked away from winter 2011. Strange how time passes, dragging tediously on, yet in a flash it's over. The sheer number of words I've typed in the last four months is staggering, the things I've done, people I've met, experiences I've had... okay, enough silliness, WINTER SEMESTER IS OVER!!!!! HOORAY!!!! hehe :)

Still, though, with the excitement comes a twinge of nervous fright for the future - because suddenly life is flying forward at breakneck speed, and there's no stopping it, no backing up, no reverse, no rewind, no re-doing of missed moments. Sometimes in a quiet moment my thoughts catch me off guard, the sudden lurch of fear that I'm wasting time, that I'm missing the fullness of happiness and success that could be mine. I panic a moment and zoom through a mental checklist to make sure I'm still focused on the essentials. Living day to day, it's a big deal, waking, breathing, feeling, experiencing all the joy and beauty that this life has to offer.

But when a bird tweets happily outside my window, the smell of rain or of freshly-mown grass, a carpet of snow covering the ground, or even just the warmth of the sun on my face, I pause for a moment on my quest for success and perfection and think, now this, this is heaven. Life is a sweet, sweet thing.

Viva la Vida.

One of my new favorite quotes

And it is beautiful.

Viva la Vida.

Ten Things to be thankful for

1. My family. I love them more than anything, and I am who I am today because of them.
2. My best friend, who is currently on a mission. He's amazing, and I'm so happy at how wonderful of a person and missionary he is.
3. Springtime. I love the warmer weather, and just sitting in the grass and looking at the flowers make life worthwhile.
4. Music. Especially inspirational music. It lifts my spirit when nothing else works.
5. The scriptures. There is peace and comfort in the scriptures for any challenge or trial. The Lord really does speak through the scriptures.
6. Fruit. I've never appreciated a sweet, crunchy apple as much as I did today.
7. The Atonement. It gives me the knowledge that Someone has gone before, and with His help, I can overcome anything.
8. Neighbors. Especially the ones that you know will be there, and you can rely on them, no matter what.
9. Friends. It's not about what you do, or what you get in this life, it's about the relationships you build along the way. I hope my friends know how much they mean to me, and if they don't, I hope I continue to show them.
10. Life. It's the greatest, most beautiful blessing I've ever been given, and I suddenly realize how short, how fragile, how precious it is. Live your life. Don't ever waste a moment of it. You never, ever know how much time you have left, and when my time comes, in those last moments when my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see it and smile, knowing that I did my best, and I really, truly lived.

Viva la Vida.

Summer memories

Today all I can think about is picnics - blankets spread out on the green grass at the park, half in the shade, half in the sun, my toes reaching into the blades of grass and feeling the warm earth underneath. Watermelon - at the perfect stage, juicy and crisp, no strings in it, definitely lots of seeds, there may or may not be a very unladylike seed spitting contest at this picnic. Maybe some lemonade, or a cold can of Sprite. The sky is so blue that you could almost fall into it, and a few puffy white clouds float around and make funny shapes in the blue expanse above. Across the park, a mom pushes her daughter in the swing, who squeals and giggles as she flies through the air. The nearby creek spills down its bed, making a happy creeky noise as it rushes by. There's a lazy sort of feeling in the air, the kind of feeling that makes you want to lie on your back and stare at the clouds forever.

I was also thinking about my high school friends today. Summer after senior year, playing fugitive every weekend. Dressing all in black, sneaking through fields and bushes and backyards, sometimes hiding under cars and behind garbage cans to avoid being seen. Bonfires and marshmallow roasting, secret circles, basketball, game nights, movies. We all just couldn't wait to grow up and move on, live our own lives, have new experiences.

I kind of miss the old ones sometimes. But life moves on, summer fades to fall, people grow up and move away, and everything changes. Life's just like that, I guess. Enjoy the moments while they last, because soon they'll be gone, and all that's left is a memory, locked deep inside your heart.

The Fairytale Boundary

Ever wondered where the border between fairytales and real life is?

It manifests itself in life, friendships, and relationships at the very moment when things stop being ideal and start being real.

Face it; life is real. People are human. This world isn't perfect. At some point, the perfectly timed and coordinated ideal life or relationship falls apart because something happens, or someone messes up, or by the mere fact that the people involved are human and subject to occasional error. And the fairytale falls apart.

This is the part they don't usually show in movies - and if they do, they have it all resolve and work out all perfect and beautiful, even more fairytale-like than it was before. Unfortunately, real life isn't that scripted. Sometimes people mess up and things fall apart and they don't get resolved for a while, and when they do, the patch is messy and smeared and unattractive - not the cute, perfect story you would write in your journal and draw pink hearts around.

The border between fairytales and real life is a bittersweet boundary. You can put yourself in denial and stay on one side of that line, resist crossing it, close your eyes to reality and hope that things will just stay perfect forever. But they won't, and sooner or later you'll open your eyes and realize you've been kidding yourself this whole time, and you'll probably end up with a whole lot of disillusionment and disappointment.

Or you can look at it another way. In the story of Lehi's dream, the people traveling toward the beautiful tree had to cross a mist of darkness first. It was messy. It was dark. It wasn't fun, and there were many tears shed. But those who persevered, who stuck it out, who recognized that life is messy and hard and sometimes hurts, those are the ones who reached their destination. And when they did, they were real people, full of real emotions, feelings, having experienced joy and pain, loss and love, trial and blessing. These were those who had suffered and come out greater because of it, who had learned to repent, and learned to forgive, who had learned to find joy in the journey.

"Life IS pain, Princess." said Wesley in The Princess Bride. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

Like movie makers, perhaps? Those who would exploit our need for happiness, even at the cost of real life, these are those who sell us the idea that life is a fairytale, and it should be perfect, and the people in our lives should be perfect, and we should be perfect, too. No wonder divorce rates rise, depression and dissatisfaction percentages rise, suicide rates rise. We've forgotten that crossing the fairytale boundary, though painful, and sometimes more than a little scary, brings real joy, lasting joy, and changes you for the better. The kind of joy when you disagree with that loved one, and then you make up and come to better appreciate one another because of it. The kind of joy when you realize that some dreams simply won't come true, no matter what you do, but that there is much life to be lived even if they don't. The kind of joy that comes from letting go when it's time to let go, and holding on, even when you don't want to, or it's hard, or people tell you to just give up, or mock your conviction. This is the real world, the one we live in, the one that we're a part of.

The fairytale boundary is scary. It's a cross-me-at-your-own-risk sort of line. It's got warning signs that say Pain, Trials, Disappointment, and Hurt ahead. But beyond the first hills, there's something waiting. Something to become. Something to learn. Something to experience. And on the other side of the fairytale boundary is joy beyond anything the fairytale world could even hope to mimic.

And that's what they call a true happily ever after.

Think happy thoughts

The best thing to do when overwhelmed is to count your blessings. I am so incredibly blessed, and these are some of the things I'm feeling very grateful for right now:

• My mom. We're best friends, and I love that. I miss living at home, and it's only been three days... but still. She's the greatest, and I can tell her anything that's going on and she always listens.
  
• The scriptures. I'm working on the Book of Mormon in Spanish right now, and I love reading the word of the Lord and seeing how it gives me peace and confidence every morning.
  
• Dance. Ballet, Folk, clogging, all of it. I absolutely LOVE that I have a dance class EVERY day! It's amazing.
  
• Macaroni and cheese. Haha. Had to say it.
  
• Slippers. I hate cold floors, and my slippers are super soft. Basically I look forward to getting home so I can put them on...
• My job. Even though it's really stressful right now, I'm in my element when I'm working and getting my stuff done. It's a lot of fun and I love the people I work with!
• Letters from a best friend I love so much. I have one waiting for me at home right now :)
  
• Prayer. I would be a complete stressed-out miserable wreck right now if I didn't have the gift of being able to talk to my Heavenly Father. I love Him more than anything, and I'm incredibly grateful to Him for giving me my life, my challenges, and all the amazing blessings I have. Even when life is difficult and I can't see the future, He can, and that's enough.
  

Life is good. Viva la vida.

Time flies when you're having fun.

It also flies when you're busy.

Which, I thought to myself today, could possibly be the reason I have intentionally completely and totally overbooked myself for this semester.

I want time to fly, for various reasons which shall remain unnamed, but most of you know why I happen to be anxiously wishing it would hurry up and be June already. Enough said.

So I have therefore insured myself against drag of time and boredom. I have seven classes, one of which is Folk dance team, Monday night FHE, evening class on Tuesday and Thursday, Wednesday night Folk Dance club activities, 20 hours of work per week, and a very stiff and unyielding goal to get a 4.0 this semester. Yes people, that means A's in ALL my classes. Ironically, I think Ballet might be the hardest. I am therefore working on becoming a member of the Ballet Club on campus so I can go to help sessions on Saturdays.

Along with that, I'm applying to be a member of Sigma Delta Pi, the Spanish Honor society. I also just authorized a background check so I can be a volunteer interpreter in the Provo School District. Got to start practicing sometime, right. Oh, and did I mention that I'm frantically studying for the test I take February 17 to get into my major? And then there's my ward, I'm sure they're going to give me a calling, and probably it will take some time.

Did you hear about the missionary friends I have coming home this semester? They'll be having homecomings I'll be going to. And of course, we can't forget my goal to read the whole Book of Mormon in Spanish by July- that means a chapter a day, no fail. Add sleeping to this mix and I've got myself enough to keep me busy for several hundred semesters, only I'm doing it in one. :)

Is time going to fly? Let's just say that if it doesn't, I'll probably sue someone.

Finding Myself

It came somewhere in between Bhangra and an Israeli dance.

Hundreds of people, hands linked in a circle, spinning and stepping in rhythmic beauty.

This is where I belong.

I made a choice once. I thought I had no other alternative. I thought I needed to "move on" or "grow up." I gave up one of the things I loved the most. Because of that choice, I've traveled down a path in my life, had some amazing, wonderful experiences, learned a great deal, become who I am today.

I don't regret the choice I made. I made it wisely, the best I could. I just wonder sometimes if maybe it wasn't my only alternative. Because I've realized since that dance means more to me than nearly anything else in my life, even if I'm not "the best," even if it's just in an informal setting. I was foolish to think that I could give it up and not looked back. I've spent the last year and five months looking back and longing. I still miss clogging. More than I usually admit. I've seriously considered going back, several times. But that time in my life has passed, and going back wouldn't even be the same.

I'm dancing with the BYU International Folk Dancers now, on their lower-level teams. I hope to move up before I leave BYU. It's the fulfillment of a dream I've had since I was about eight years old. I've watched them perform for years and dreamed of being one of them. Finally I am. It's amazing, and I love it! I feel so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity.

Is it silly, then, that I still miss clogging? One does not replace the other. It just can't. I think I'm learning that nothing ever will. I don't think I'll ever stop missing the rhythm in my feet and the beat in my head, the smile on my face and the amazing feeling of twelve dancers on stage, pounding their feet in unity, and the feeling in my heart when I finish, and it's amazing.

Do you think people dance in heaven?

I hope so.

And I hope they let me bring my clogging shoes.

Viva la Vida

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion." - Henry David Thoreau

That's what it's all about.

Viva la Vida.

My happy new year

It's 2011.

I'm very, incredibly excited about this.

I kind of thought this year would never come.

There's not words to express how excited I am that it finally did.


Goodbye, 2010. I'm not going to miss you. Though I have to give you credit for a lot of things. Despite feeling like you were never going to end, you were, indeed, a big, year for me. A lot of things happened, and I accomplished a lot.

- I was accepted to my study abroad program in Spain.

- I made some amazing friends, one of whom I spent a memorable President's Day in St. George with. Love you, girl :)

- I addicted myself to the tv show Psych (which I don't regret) and macaroni and cheese (which I only sort of regret...)

- I learned how to drive a stick shift (maybe poorly, but still), played some pranks, and cried the day I got a full-tuition scholarship.

- I went to Institute for the first time ever, rediscovered a friendship I'm eternally glad I didn't let die, and spent time on memory lane with another good friend.

- I went to California for the first time, went on a cruise for the first time, and went to the dentist with no cavities for the first time... hehe.

- I went to Mexico (okay, for six hours, but that counts, right?) Disneyland, St George, San Diego, Jackson Hole, and Idaho Falls, all with my mom who I love very much :)

- I completed a number of home repair projects, some minor sewing projects, and watched a lot of soccer. Yay World Cup!

- I saw Carrie Underwood in concert at Stadium of Fire.

- I ran 6 miles straight for the first time ever.

- I got on an airplane and flew transatlantic to another country, where I learned the language, the culture, and a lifetime of knowledge about myself, who I am, and what I am capable of doing and becoming. It was the most amazing three months of my entire life.

- I got a new job, which I love, spent a month celebrating Christmas, and now I'm ready for another year.

Thanks, 2010, for all you taught me. I look back at the person I was a year ago - my hopes, dreams, wishes, feelings, everything, and then I look at who I am today, and I'm happy with the result. I guess that's the best I can ask for, right? 2010 wasn't a picnic by any means; it was full of trials like any other year, some of which included decisions more difficult than any I've ever faced. But I made it. And that's the important part.

Hello, 2011. What lessons, trials, miracles, and blessings have you got in store for me?

Waiting

I wake up late and sense the light outside my window. I jump out of bed and rush to the blinds, blinking at the snow in my front yard. Nope, no footprints yet. I get back in bed. But I can't sleep. I'm too excited.

So I get back out of bed and check the fresh snow for prints, just once more. I get ready for the day. When I finish, I run to the front door and peer anxiously down the street, first one way, then the other. Nothing.

I sit down to read a book. But I can't focus. I give in to the urge, my patience shaking its head in defeat. I put on my shoes and open the front door. I run lightly to the mailbox, heart pounding in anticipation. Empty. Still no footprints in the yard, a sure sign in the winter that the mailman has yet to come. I walk the extra few steps down the sidewalk and check both directions. No mail truck.

So I go back inside, put on my slippers, and resign myself to waiting a bit longer. I read some. I get some things crossed off my to do list. There's movement outside the window. Sure enough, the mail lady in her winter boots is tromping through the snow.

I skip the shoes this time and run out barefoot, hardly daring to look inside the mailbox. I lift the lid and see newspaper. Just newspaper. I watch the mailman a couple houses down, just in case she's coming back with a forgotten letter. She's not. My shoulders slump just a little. And my feet are cold.

I take the paper inside. I rifle through it, just in case it's hiding something special inside its inky folds. Nothing but a couple of coupons to Jiffy Lube and Big O Tires. I set the paper down and put my slippers back on. The pile of newspaper taunts me.

I glance at the clock. Twenty-four hours until the mail comes again.

What I want most for Christmas

Someone told me this year that they're going to get me "what I want most for Christmas."

I, of course, am trying to figure out what in the world they meant by that. Because it's not actually possible. Sure, someone could get me something I'd really like, something I'd really enjoy, but they couldn't get me any of the things I want most. The things I want most can't be wrapped up under a tree, or even given in a single day. The things I want most are changes in people's lives - worries to be taken away, problems to be solved, sadness to be erased. I want some people to be able to see themselves how I see them and how God sees them. I want others to find purpose and meaning in their lives. I want people who are struggling to make good decisions to be able to do so. I want people who are sick to be healed, people who are hurt to be comforted.

These things are what I want most, not something that can be unwrapped or pulled from a stocking on Christmas morning. I don't want things for me, I want to see things happen for other people, because that's what makes me happiest. The only thing I would choose for myself couldn't be wrapped up, either, nor could it be given to me this Christmas. And I wouldn't want it to be. Perhaps next year. In the meantime, Christmas is two days away. My wishes are out there. Maybe there'll be a miracle or two this Christmas season. And if not, that's okay too. Sometimes the best wishes are the ones that aren't granted.

Viva la Vida
and Merry Christmas.

Pieces of me

I was thinking tonight about who I am.
What influences have shaped the person I've become?
If any given aspect of my life would have been different, what kind of person would I be today?
How much of me came with me, and how much of me has been shaped by the life I've lived?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I know that every experience, every aspect of my life, has changed me in some way. Losing a friend, and then losing another one. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room. My baptism. The day I sat on the curb and cried with my best friend. The time I learned to forgive someone I hated. The time I realized I hadn't truly forgiven someone that had hurt me. The day I ran away from home. Hundreds of young women activities where I felt alone, and the handful where I didn't anymore. The first day I walked through the junior high school, and the choice I made on the baseball field at lunch. The teacher who wrote in my yearbook and inspired me for the rest of my life. The time I made my first close friends, and the time I had to walk away. The time I stepped on a shoelace and fell in love. The night where my heart broke, and the night where I let it heal. The time where I drove away from a house and my whole world changed. Letting go of something very important to me. The evening on the tennis court where my whole life changed. The day that me and my guitar learned how to truly live. The time I got on an airplane and flew a million miles away, and the day I came back.

It's all a part of me. Moments, experiences, people, hundreds of people who have no idea of the impact they left on my life, but without their being there I wouldn't be the same. It's crazy and amazing and mind boggling all at the same time.

Who am I? What made me me? Who will I be in a year, two years, ten years? What else lies in store?

Viva la Vida

Rearview Mirror

Have you ever done something you're not proud of?
Been someone you didn't like?
Asked a question that was incredibly unnecessary?
Done something stupid and then mentally kicked yourself for days?
Wished with all your heart you could go back and change the past?

I know I've done all these things on occasion. Especially the last one. But I heard something the other day, I don't remember if it was a commercial or song lyrics or what, but it used the phrase, "looking in the rearview mirror of my life."

It made me think a lot about rearview mirrors.
Everybody's got one. That's not the important part. The important part is that we have windshields, too. And the windshield is waaaay bigger than the rearview mirror. It means that the past is a part of the future, but the future swallows up the past, and there's a whole lot of road up there to live, to fill with good and better things, to improve upon.

It's like knitting a scarf. The first part can be lumpy and uneven, but it gets better as it goes along. I guess life's like that sometimes. You figure it out. It's never going to be perfect, tied up neatly, lined up straight. There'll be problems and trials and plenty of mistakes. But that's not the important part. The important part is keeping going forward. Focus on the good in life, and the good in yourself. Smile. It's so much happier that way.

Viva la Vida.

Onwards and Upwards

Life has a funny way of going on even when you wonder how it will...

• I got a new job. I'm now the Admissions Assistant/Undergrad secretary/person in the School of Music. It's a step up from my old job, I've worked a total of 9 hours now and I love it! It also pays better which will just make life easier... yay for being a less-poor college student!
• I went to the Scarlet Pimpernel musical. The best part was a) the kid playing Armand was super, super cute, and b) I got a copy of the book (I didn't even know there WAS a book!) and am now halfway through. It's really good so far - I love the movie with Jane Seymour the best so far, though. You just can't beat that.
  
• This summer I started sewing an apron. It's going to be fabulously cute when it's done, but so far it's proving difficult. I can't get the pockets right. I made six pockets yesterday and none were satisfactory. When I get it right and it's finished, I'll post pictures.
  
• I ran across my planner from my senior year of high school last night, and I spent an hour reading it and indulging myself in a memory-fest. It's funny the things that change, and the things that don't. I really love life that way.
• I realized today there's only 28 days left of the longest year of my life. The year spent entirely without my best friend. 2010 is almost over. It's been a really good year, but I can't really express how completely excited I am for it to finally be 2011. Still lots of months left, and I'm okay with that - I have lots to do! - but as good as it was, I'm ready to leave 2010 in the dust.
  
• And on that note, 22 days until Christmas!!! The best day of the entire year! And December is definitely the best month!

I love life. I love the crazy ups and downs. I love the opportunities, the moments you snatch and live to the fullest. I love the times when I just look up at the sky and can't help but smile, because I have a beautiful, wonderful life, filled with so many blessings I can't even begin to list! Life is so good to me. Viva la Vida!