The end of a dream.

So I haven't really had the heart to blog about the last week in Spain, but I should probably do it before too much time passes. It went way too fast. Kind of like a freight train rushing off to somewhere, and you can't really get off, because you know you have to get there, but still, you wish you could stay, at least for a moment.

Anyway, our last day in Spain we had "graduation." I'm still waiting for my grades to be posted, but I'm pretty sure I did well. But we had a little graduation ceremony at AlcaLingua to celebrate finishing up.

Vega, Cristina, me, and Rebeca - my teachers. I love these women so much!

Melanie and I with our diplomas - three months of "homework" in our little bedroom paid off! :)

The next day we headed off to the Canary Islands for four days! Only seven of the ten of us went, and our first day there was a bit gloomy, because we were all missing the other three, two of which we may never see again. Plus it was cloudy. But after that, the sun came out, and we spent four days lying on the beach, hanging out at the pool, swimming in the ocean, and staying up reeeeeally late at night talking about life and getting to know each other better.

Carina, Melanie, me, and Isabel. We made some amazing memories in the Canaries that I'll never forget. <3>

Me, Melanie, Isabel, Carina on Playa de las Americas on Tenerife island.

We flew back to Alcala on the 23rd, and then three of us flew backhome on the 24th. I cried for a full half hour once on the plane, when I couldn't see Madrid out my window anymore. My flights went okay, I was delayed in Chicago, but I got home, and that was that.

It's weird thinking back, now, on the whole experience. It seems kind of distant and far away, now that I'm back in "real life" picking up where I left off when I left for Spain. It's a lot like a dream, almost as if it didn't even happen. But it did. And it changed me. It changed the way I look at the world. It opened doors to me that before I was afraid to enter. It changed the way I look at myself, the way I feel about my own capabilities, the way I feel about myself when I interact with groups, with friends. It taught me that people all over the world, albeit we have our cultural differences, are still the same. We all have hopes and dreams and wishes. I think that's the biggest thing I learned - that despite some differences, people all over are still the same. And when you define the relationship by the similarities, not the differences, you find friends you never thought you'd ever discover. Friends that change your life forever.

Viva España!

Rewind

Today was my last official Spain study abroad day.

We're going to party on the beach for a few days, and I'll have another half a day in Alcala, but today was the last official day.

It was a really long day for various reasons. I wasn't proud of myself today, I wasn't really myself at all, and I'm hoping that tomorrow is better, and I'm a better, nicer, and kinder person.

In the meantime, I'd really like to just do today all over again, starting yesterday around 9pm, actually. Too bad life doesn't have a remote control.

# 34 - knit a scarf

Day Zero Project: first goal completed.

I've wanted to knit a scarf ever since my roommate, Angela, knitted one for her boyfrend last winter. My host mom in Spain, Pilar, taught me to knit! One week before heading back to the states, I finished it. I'm quite proud of myself. It could be better, but it's very thick and warm, and it's CHRISTMASSY!

We had fun with the scarf.

Finished product!

Last Trip...

This is a hopeless post - I'm sorry, but life here is rather on the crazy side. We only have four days left of the official program, and then we go off to the islas for a bit, and then home in ten days... I can't believe it.

Anyway, to sum up the last little bit:

Last weekend: A trip to Aranjuez and Chinchon, two small towns near Madrid. I am so pictured-out that I didn't take a single one. It's okay. We saw a royal palace and some pretty gardens and that was all that was really important. Later that night, we went and had dinner at the Restaurante Botin - the oldest restaurant in the world according to the Guinness Book of World Records. And the food was amazing! It was great. They even sang happy birthday to Dallin, who turned 24. Yay!

Week in review: homework, class, FHE, Madrid, wallet-shopping, Madrid temple (baptized in Portuguese, that was cool), trip.

Yes, we left on Wednesday for our last trip. We hit Cordoba, Sevilla, and Granada in four days. We spent a lot of time on the bus, and there was a lot of really beautiful Arab architecture. In Cordoba is a famous mosque that was later turned into a cathedral by the Catholics (of course) but the arches inside are candy-cane striped. I felt like I'd fallen into Candy Land!

In Sevilla we saw the beautiful river, the Plaza de Espana (where Rachel and I ate roasted chestnuts and rented a rowboat and sang Christmas carols - loudly :D), the cathedral, Christopher Columbus' tomb, the Alcazar (a palace), and a fabulous hotel with kitchenettes, in which we made our own dinner and had a dinner party. That was definitely fun!

In Granada, we visited the Alhambra - an Arabic palace that was conquered by the Reyes Catolicos (Ferdinand and Isabella) in 1492, the last stage of the unification of Spain. It's one of, if not the, most famous tourist attraction in Spain. We also saw the tombs of said Reyes and went on a night tour of Granada, ending in Las Cuevas, a cave-like bar where we watched gypsies perform real, authentic flamenco - guitar, dance, and song. It was AMAZING.

This was our last trip as a group. This week we have finals, for the which I ought to be studying, so, enjoy the pictures!

Reflecting pool in the Alhambra

Guadalquivier River in Sevilla
BEAUTIFUL dinner
In the mosque at Cordoba

Windmills in Andalucia

In the gardens of the Alhambra

The Alhambra lit up at night
Orange in Cordoba - Andalucia is famous for its orange trees. This thing tasted NASTY (it was still green) but it made a great picture...
Torre de Oro in Sevilla - this is a famous tower with a gold roof on the top part. The picture is taken looking from the bridge, where people lock padlocks onto the bridge with their initials to "lock their love"

El Muelle de San Blas

So I've fallen in love with this song by Mana. It's so sad... but so beautiful.

Here's the translation; it's more beautiful in Spanish, but this is pretty close.

She said goodbye to her love
He left in a ship from the San Blas dock
He swore he would come back
And through her tears she swore she would wait
A thousand moons came and went,
And she was still at the dock, waiting.
Many sunsets reflected
In her hair and on her lips.

She wore the same dress
So that when he came back,
He would not mistake her.
Crabs bit her, her dress, her sadness and her illusion.
And time went by,
Her eyes were filled with the dawn.
She fell in love with the sea
And her body became a part of the dock

Alone, alone in memories
Alone, alone with her spirit
Alone, alone with her love, the sea
Alone at the San Blas dock

Her hair turned white
But no ship brought back her love
And in the village people called her
The crazy woman of the San Blas dock
And one April afternoon
They tried to take her to the asylum
But no one could take her away
And they never separated her from the sea

Alone, alone in memories
Alone, alone with her spirit
Alone, alone with her love, the sea
Alone at the San Blas dock
Alone, alone she stayed…

Read at your own risk

Yes, this is going to be a venting post, because I'm up to my ears right now. Yes, this is about my life and my future and not knowing what the heck I'm doing with it - not for any lack of ideas or resources, but simply for the overabundance of them and my inability to figure out what I really want. Then also, that frustrating longing to dance again like I used to that just plain will not go away, no matter what I do (you know, I thought going to Spain would finally help me get over that - no go. I miss it like crazy.) And then the frustration of not being able to fit a dance class in my schedule this next semester because I have to have a block of time to work. And then there's also wondering what exactly it is that I'm majoring in, and what I want to do with whatever that happens to be, honestly, I'm about ready to throw in the towel and drop out of college and go back to clogging. I think I was happier there - not to mention I was me and I knew what I wanted. To dance. The rest of my life.

What the heck happened?!?!

Cast off the chains

Momentary abandonment of nearly all reason creates a surprisingly euphoric sense of liberation.

Doors open up before me. Barriers previously deemed so important crumble like miniature versions of the Berlin Wall, inhibitions and worries and fears fleeing before the dawn of endless possibilities flooding my mind. Faith cannot coexist with fear, and when fear is gone, the sun can rise on a beautiful new day. I pride myself on my practical nature. Abandoning practicality for a moment or two feels like skydiving into a whole new world, feels like standing on top of the tallest mountain in the blazing sunrise, feels like leaping into a pool of the clearest water imaginable.

Freedom. Sometimes the chains that bind us are not those imposed by dictators or wars or prison guards. I am my own captor, and my prisoner is myself. As binding as the chains in a prison camp are the chains of fear and insecurity, the defenses against all the "what if"s that I ask myself a thousand times a day. Release from the bonds of needing to see the end from the beginning is learning to live in the sunlight instead of the shadow.

Treasure and dead people

Trip 8 - El Escorial, Segovia - aaaand Halloween!

Friday - El Escorial.

Honestly, El Escorial was slightly anticlimactic - a very large palace/monastery/thing in the bottom of which were interred a LOT of kings and queens and royalty of Espana. It was definitely sort of weird thinking I was in a room with 50 or so dead people from the 1500s... pretty cool, though.

We also went to Manzanares - El Real - a castle near El Escorial. This is my favorite favorite castle in Spain - there's a picture of it hanging on my bedroom door at home. I just thought it looked so cool. However, after visiting it, it was not near as cool as anticipated. I like Coco Castle better - see my early post about our trip to Leon and Burgos - that castle was better. Manzanares is a re-build, and the inside's been turned into a museum, so, not as authentic. Still nice though.

Manzanares castle

Manzanares El Real - castle

Saturday - Segovia. I actually really liked Segovia. It was really pretty, with lots of fall leaves and colors. It was rainy and cold, but it was very fall-ish.

Rachel, Carina, and I jumping in leaves. Yes, our expressions are really weird... the camera blurred a bit.

In Segovia we visited the Alcazar, a royal palace - very famous. It's actually the palace the Disney castle most resembles! (see picture below). It made me miss Disneyland. The Alcazar is also where Christopher Columbus originally approached Isabel and Fernando to ask them about going to America. (Although, our guide said that, but I feel like I've been told like three different places this happened... I think every city wants their palace to be the one he went to...)

The Alcazar - see the Disney castle resemblance on the right side/tower part?

On top of one of the towers of the Alcazar, with the Segovia cathedral in the background.

Friday night we also went to a YSA Halloween dance at the stake center in Madrid. It was a costume dance; Dallin, one of the guys in our group, dressed up like Edward from Twilight, and he had an avid following of picture-taking girls the whole night. At one point seven or eight of them ran up, squealing, joined hands in a circle and danced around him. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. The dance was great fun, though; it was very similar to stake dances in Utah, though there were fewer people, and they played a LOT of Latin dancing music, to which I can't dance - I'm not good enough friends with my hips to dance like that... :D

From left to right: David/Mexican soap opera character, Spanish girl, Spanish guy, Spanish friend Susie/hippie, me/cowgirl, Lindsey/Pocahontas, Kenneth/Hot Rod, Rachel/genie
(yes, I know I was sorta blinking here... but... it's the best I've got :D)