Regretting.

I saw someone tonight that I haven't talked to in six years.

The last time we did talk, I broke his heart in the middle of the sophomore hall.

It's silly now - heck, I wasn't even sixteen years old yet, and it was just high school drama. But the way that he was never anything but nice to me, and yet I treated him like a worn-out pair of shoes, that has stuck with me for six years. So I saw him tonight at a party. I looked over at him a few times, but, I'm ashamed to say, I was still too embarrassed and self-conscious to say a word. I'm sure by now he really couldn't care less - it was two months in 10th grade, and he probably laughs about it now. But it still haunts me, and I'm terribly embarrassed of how self-centered and inconsiderate I was.

It leaves me thinking "now what?" I don't know how to contact him except maybe through Facebook, and even if I did, it would seem ridiculous to apologize after all this time. But it would make me feel better.

There are only a few things in life that I truly regret. That moment and the way I acted is one of them. To him, I'm sorry for the hurt I caused him, however small or silly it seems now. Live and learn, right?

Why I love my job...

Father on phone: "So my daughter wants to go to college in the fall. She's been accepted to five universities, but she wants to go to a college that wants her badly enough to give her a full ride scholarship... but she forgot to apply for university scholarships and she didn't audition for the School of Music, but she'd like to come."

Me: "Well... the auditions were four months ago... and all our scholarships were awarded in March, so at this point there's not very much that we can do, the funds have already been awarded."

(conversation goes on)

Later:

Father: "Well. So. Do you have a music scholarship there?"
Me: "Well, I'm not a music student, but I do have a scholarship for my program."
Father (accusingly): "So how did you get yours?"
Me: "Well, for continuing students it's based off GPA."
Father (still accusingly): "So have you had yours for the whole time you've been here?"
Me: "No... Have you talked to the Financial Aid office yet?"

We love those dear, dear "helicopter" parents...

Day Zero #100

#100 - Get a scholarship

Do you believe in miracles?

I do.

When I found out I was getting a full tuition scholarship last year, I can't even describe how blessed I felt. With the cost of my study abroad, it was really a miracle. I hardly dared hope for another miracle this year. It sounded too good to be true.

But it wasn't.

I am so very grateful to the wonderful men and women who choose to contribute to the scholarship fund, so that students like myself who work as hard as they can but still don't have enough can still get an education, participate in things like dance teams or orchestras or study abroad programs, so that the realm of opportunities isn't smaller for those who don't have very many financial resources.

Someday I want to start my own scholarship fund. I want to be the means of providing miracles to other people - because I think it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Day Zero: #5, #9, #44, #69, #71

#5 - Give away a pass-along card
I did this in Spain as well, but have neglected to check it off the list. The day that Melanie and I left for the Canary Islands, I left chocolate and pass-along cards for the two Italian girls who were also living with Pilar at the time. They were both such nice girls and we had talked about life in Utah, church dances, dating, and other sorts of things, and I had woken up that morning with a strong impression to not leave without telling them what I knew. I don't know if anything will come of it, but it was a good feeling to receive an impression and follow through on it.

#9 - Write in my journal at least 3 times a week for three months
This was not very hard - I love to write. Check!

#44 - Be on the BYU Folk Dance Team
I've blogged about this before - but folk dance this past semester was AMAZING! :) I've been invited to "Workshop" at the end of the summer - which is three days of intensive folk dance, at the end of which they'll assign you a team based on how well you did. I'm excited to dance all day!

#69 - Sew a skirt
At first this goal was "Learn how to sew clothing" but I opted to change that to make it less stressful - it was causing me grief. I enjoy sewing, but I have to take it at a slow pace, since I don't have a lot of patience. However, the straight skirt turned out well - I actually wear it! I also revised a swimsuit, am working on an apron (still!) and am contemplating another skirt style. I'll post pictures - someday.

#71 - Floss every night for a month
Dentist's orders. It was hard not to forget a night here and there - but my teeth have never been quite so happy... maybe, with a little diligence, I can beat my poor dental genetics.

Upcoming goals: recipe sharing, book recommendation reading, tie-dyeing, and more!

Ready for spring

Yesterday was my last free day before spring classes start (sad day! although spring classes will be awesome, too.) Lots of good things happened:

• After much deliberating and shirking and dragging my feet, I finally signed a housing contract for fall - in the very same apartment I lived in last year - hehe. I liked it there. It was admittedly less fun to arrange considering I'll be starting over fresh with new roommates (since all the old ones have abandoned me for marriage or missions... growl) :D but hey, it will be a great adventure!
• Sewing success! This makes me happy beyond words, considering the epic Skirt Disaster or Apron Pocket Disaster or Pile of Unfinished Projects disaster. But, I am happy to report, the swimsuit top is now unique, attractive, and most of all, MODEST (hooray) and not to mention, the straps are the same width and length and the seams are straight (mostly) so I call that success!
• National Treasure 2. Other than Harry Potter, what better way to spend your last free afternoon than watching Ben and Abigail discover a giant golden city buried deep beneath Mount Rushmore? Seriously. Nothing tops it.
  
• And finally, library books! For all the free time I probably won't have :)

Good day. I'm ready for spring. Too bad there was a blizzard this morning...

Confessions of an obsessed muggle...

I am secretly obsessed with these...
Okay, well, it's not really a secret. AT ALL. I'm completely obsessed. I just finished reading the entire series for the seventh or eighth time yesterday. And THESE came in the mail yesterday to complete my movie collection!
I have 7.15.2011 circled in red on my calendar - the day the final movie is released. It all ends then!

It was the best of times...

I am officially more than halfway done with my college education. It's rather a crazy thought. I took my last final, sold back a textbook, and walked away from winter 2011. Strange how time passes, dragging tediously on, yet in a flash it's over. The sheer number of words I've typed in the last four months is staggering, the things I've done, people I've met, experiences I've had... okay, enough silliness, WINTER SEMESTER IS OVER!!!!! HOORAY!!!! hehe :)

Still, though, with the excitement comes a twinge of nervous fright for the future - because suddenly life is flying forward at breakneck speed, and there's no stopping it, no backing up, no reverse, no rewind, no re-doing of missed moments. Sometimes in a quiet moment my thoughts catch me off guard, the sudden lurch of fear that I'm wasting time, that I'm missing the fullness of happiness and success that could be mine. I panic a moment and zoom through a mental checklist to make sure I'm still focused on the essentials. Living day to day, it's a big deal, waking, breathing, feeling, experiencing all the joy and beauty that this life has to offer.

But when a bird tweets happily outside my window, the smell of rain or of freshly-mown grass, a carpet of snow covering the ground, or even just the warmth of the sun on my face, I pause for a moment on my quest for success and perfection and think, now this, this is heaven. Life is a sweet, sweet thing.

Viva la Vida.

Distracting myself...

I got this off my friend's blog. Make sure your volume is up (no worries, it's just music).

http://seawitchery.tumblr.com/post/4070384205/i-started-out-clicking-strategically-and-by-the

Day Zero: #31

I realize it's months after the fact, but I crossed another Day Zero goal off my list while in Spain. Our hotel in the Canary Islands had a beautiful swimming pool, and one sunny afternoon Melanie and Carina tried to teach me how to swim (properly). I have this thing about accidentally inhaling half the pool when I try to swim, but I gave it my best shot, so, even though I'm not much better than I was before, I think I'll count it. Hey, I can get around just fine - earlier that day we had gone down to the beach with McKay and swum out into the ocean, out to the end of the rocks that extended out into the bay. I don't know how deep the water was... I don't really want to know... but I didn't drown, so we're going to call the swimming goal good and cross it off the list. :)

Decision...

One the one hand: Friends, cold apartment, possible ants, and a full year contract to have to sell part of.

On the other hand: Strangers, probably warm apartment, probably no ants, and not having to sell the contract, barring life changes.

So. Is living with people who are already sort of my friends worth it? How the heck to decide?

Folk dance feeling

It happened on the last dance, the one from Macedonia (I think) where everyone holds hands and sings from their hearts. And suddenly I looked around at all the people in the big, long line, the strangers on either side of me, the PAC and SPAC and WDS and 10Wilk Pirates and 8Wilk and 2RB and my own teammates from 9Wilk Laloemileelo, and I just wanted to hug all of them. There's a special feeling that comes from dancing for two hours in a hot, sweaty room, where you can't even understand the words to the songs, and your legs hurt, and there's a long line for the drinking fountain, but you dance hard, and you dance from your heart. There's something special about that, something you can't quite put into words. It's like family, even though you don't even know everyone's names or anything about them. For a minute all the team cliques broke, and we were all folk dancers, all celebrating our chance to share feelings in our hearts through dance. It was the most beautiful moment, and it left a warm feeling in my heart that just won't go away.

I'm so blessed to be a member of the International Folk Dance Ensemble. This has been one of the most amazing experiences of my time in college, and I'm so so glad I have four more semesters to enjoy it even more!

Viva la vida... and don't forget to DANCE!