The beauty of words

They open the book and see the first word, and like a stream of two-dimensional characters, the story comes to life in one long reel, the words tick-tick-ticking along like a steady stream of subtitles below a paper-doll-like chain of actions. And the pictures, in faded color and shades of gray, move jerkily forward, dragging their reader alongside like an unfortunate packhorse tied to a slowly moving wagon.

But I can see the page. Over their shoulder, I can see the words they're reading, with their forehead scrunched in concentration, their lips almost moving as they dwell, torturously, on each word, almost as if they're pronouncing it, rolling it around in their mouth before letting it go, concentrating on each noun and verb and preposition so hard that the meaning is painfully squeezed out of it like juice from a lemon, splattering them in the face and dripping stickily to the floor.

I can see those words, but as I look, craning my neck, they seem to leap from the page, spinning round and round like a vortex opening to swallow me whole. I see the letters leap from the dull, white pages and rearrange themselves, forming themselves into a story, a three-dimensional picture as rich and colorful as a movie, but surrounding me, covering me from head to toe in a shimmer of meaning.

My surroundings fade to gray as I tumble headlong into the story. No longer do the words march slowly on like apples on a conveyor belt, but instead they leap forward, triggering action and movement and color and sound, all around me, and suddenly I am no longer an observer, but a player, as the story unfolds around me. I jump as I hear the thunderclaps, and my eyes fill with tears as the heroine lays her sister to rest in the cold, frozen earth. The mountains tower above me, and I emerge from the bus, blinking in the summer light, searching for the man in the white top hat. I speed through the night, devouring the words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, turning page after page as the train speeds toward the twisted break in the track, my heart filled with terror for the passengers trapped on board. And when the words hold me back, I free myself from the words, my eyes searching only for the continuation of the story, leaving the articles and the prepositions and even some of the nouns behind. I thirst for meaning, and when the story finally reaches its climax and winds to a close, my heart pounds more slowly, my breathing quiets, and my hands tremble as I turn the last pages of the story, which finally releases me from the spell, and I blink in mild surprise to see my nondescript surroundings. The book lays innocently on my lap, the adventure bound quietly between the two stiff covers, waiting for me to come back, to once again venture between its pages, where lies an infinite realm of possibilities.

Heart mapping

Today in class, we had a third grade teacher come and give us a mock lesson.

We did an activity called heart mapping.

Basically it involved drawing a heart with a circle inside, and then a smaller circle inside the circle.

In the innermost circle, we put the things that mean the very most to us, like family, friends, testimony... etc.

In the outer circle, we put things we really love. Then, between the heart and the first circle, we put things we like.
Then we picked something and wrote about it. It was amazing to see how much more the writing activity meant when it was something I cared about.

But more than that, I pondered on the activity. Heart mapping. How does one map their heart? What paths do I go along, what things do I climb over to get to the things I love the most? What defenses do I have to get through to get to my most precious things, or is my heart open to anyone? Does my heart have a big "Welcome" mat on the porch, or is it locked up tight with me inside, hoping everyone will think I'm not home?

And more than that... what's in my inner circle? I can make a list. But do the people and things I say are in my inner circle actually receive enough attention and emphasis that they know they're in my inner circle?

Just something to think about.
Viva la Vida.

Tuesday is the new Friday

After all, Monday is so long that you pretty much need a weekend by the time you stagger, gasping, to the end of Tuesday. Wednesday? Pffff.... overrated.... :)

Last night Ryan and I silently and mutually decided that Tuesday night needed to be extra special. After all, it's going to be a long, rainy week.
So we went for a walk.
And we split a J-Dawg. It was my very first J-Dawg. I do not like the special sauce. It was not special. But the experience (and the person I was with) were extra-special. So that made up for the non-specialness of the special sauce.
And we got frozen yogurt with crazy toppings, and we even managed to not pay all of our arms and legs and only half of our firstborn children for it.
And then we sat on a hill and enjoyed each other's company and froze to death while eating the yogurt (well, I did anyway) and we probably made all the people coming out of the building opposite us feel awkward, what with the yogurt-eating couple staring at them as they walk down the sidewalk.
And then we watched PSYCH and finished season 2.
All in all, it was an excellent Friday night date. Actually, Tuesday night date. We've heard it both ways. :)

Just thinking

{senior prom}

{graduation}

 

{mission farewell}

{valencia, spain}

{three and a half years after the beginning}

I love him.

Too good for a title

Seriously. There's simply not a title I could imagine up that could accurately capture the fabulousness of life right now.

• Bowling
• Long walks in the wind
• Dinners
• Swimming 
• Movies
• Games
• Miniature golf
• FHE
• Running
• Basketball

 All a part of the whirlwind I call life the last three weeks. We finally took a picture.

 

You can see I haven't changed much. I can't resist ruining a perfectly good picture :)

This one is better.

Life is beautiful and amazing and I love it!

Viva la Vida.

'Tis the Season

Today I am thinking about strings of colored lights, and the smell of a fresh pine tree in the window. I'm thinking about snowflakes and standing in the street at night watching them fall all around me, until a snowball flies out of the darkness into my face and suddenly there's laughter and shrieking and the world becomes a raging battle of white, wet fluff. I'm thinking about spiced cider simmering on the stove and making the whole house feel like heaven just because of the smell. I'm thinking about hiding things under the bed and in the corner of the closet and under the socks in the bottom drawer and keeping everyone informed of all the places they're not allowed to look for the next five weeks. I'm thinking about long lists of names and having genius ideas of what to give people and working frantically to finish everything in time. I'm thinking about carols by candlelight, reading the story over and over, remembering the real reason that this season is the most wonderful time of the year. I'm thinking sugar cookies and lemon pound cake and nutmeg and popcorn, green saran wrap and orange frosting on carrot cookies. I'm thinking snowboots and scarves and striped gloves. But most of all I'm thinking of sitting on the floor under a beautiful evergreen tree, listening to soft music and thinking about how beautiful life is until I fall asleep.

It's July 18.

Oh boy.


Viva la Vida.

We'll bring the world His truth

Incidentally, that's one of my very favorite songs. Just as a side note.

In the spirit of my recent contemplation of the power and joy that comes from missionary work, I was catching up on reading a mission blog, and I love this post here. I love hearing stories like this, and I'm happy for all the people in the world who have the opportunity to hear and accept the Gospel - because it holds the only source of true joy!

Viva la Vida.

True smiles

In the movie "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton," which a very good friend so kindly introduced me to, one of the characters describes another character's different smiles.

It made me think. Don't we all have different smiles?

The I'm irritated but trying to be nice smile.
The That was genuinely funny and I'm quite entertained smile.
The Will you hurry up and take this darn picture smile.

But on a more basic level, nearly everyone has at least two distinct smiles: the picture-taking smile and the spontaneous, truly happy or joyful smile.

I got to see one of the latter tonight, one that I hadn't seen in a long, long time. And that was the best moment out of a thousand million wonderful moments all strung together - and a moment I'm not likely to forget.

Viva la Vida.

Why yes, I am on vacation

And yes, it is going fabulously. I'm having a blast. Life is good, although my feet are getting darn tired of being so USED all the time.

But that is not the purpose of this blog post. The vacation news will come at a later time. Maybe. If I feel like it.

The purpose of this post is simply to declare to all the world that missionary work is true. I don't think I've ever really thought about missionary work as much as I have in the past few days. At least, not in the way that I have. There are a number of things we could attribute that to, but we're simply going to attribute it to the time I've spent recently out in the missionary field.

For example. At church in Daytona Beach, a girl about my age, ish, got up and spoke in sacrament meeting. She told the story of her conversion two years previous, and the wonderful miracle it was that the missionaries arrived at her home at just the right time. She talked about the way she felt when she joined the church, the way that she feels now, and she shared her testimony.

And to me, it was the most beautiful thing.

Later, we had the opportunity to hear from the Orlando Mission President, who encouraged all of us to be member missionaries. I've heard a lot about this, yet I somehow seem to go glassy-eyed when they talk about it, thinking to myself, I don't need to do that - I live in Utah. Not so. It suddenly struck me, sitting there in that ward, that I might not live in Utah forever. Someday I might live in a ward that covers a huge land area, or in a branch, waiting anxiously to become a ward. I might live right out in the mission field, and when or if that day comes, I want to be ready.

And suddenly, missionary work means more to me and has become more personal to me than ever before. I love the Gospel with all my heart. It truly forms the core of my life, bringing meaning and color into everything I experience. I can't imagine my life without it, or without my relationship with my Savior.

Viva missionaries. All of them, all over the world - the ones I know, and the ones I don't know. They truly carry on the work of the Lord.

Viva la Vida.

June 11

• I didn't oversleep today. I got right up at 7am, even though it was Saturday. It felt good.
  
• A hot-air balloon floated right down the middle of our street today. I think hot air balloons are simply fabulous. So cheerful-looking!
• We went shopping for vacation items today. For some reason, I love filling my basket with random household items, so much more than I love filling it with clothing. I'm excited to someday have my own home to shop for.
  
• It was a beautiful, beautiful summer day - skies so blue you could fall right in.
  
• I have Harry Potter movie premiere tickets reserved. July 15 - right at midnight.
• My mom makes amazing chicken noodle soup. I want to be just like her when I grow up - if I ever grow up.
  
• I got my very last letter today. Just over two weeks now. It was a strange feeling, reading it. Just a normal letter - nothing different or extraordinary about it. But to add it to the packet of precious letters from the last two years and know that it was the last one - that was a strange feeling. It doesn't seem real. I don't think it will ever seem real, not until it happens. July will be a strange and beautiful and wonderful month.
  

Viva la Vida.

Things I love about today

1. I'm going to the temple this evening!
2. Only 15 days until vacation.
3. Vacation is going to include Disney, Harry Potter, beaches, and famous history.
4. My french braid is straight and not lumpy, for like, the first time ever.
5. It's sunny outside.
6. I got to go to Institute last night with Krystal.
7. I still have two weeks left of having my own computer at work.
8. All of the new freshmen have FINALLY submitted their decisions.
9. There's a bag of m&m's in my drawer.
10. My mom made my breakfast.
11. I'm going to Idaho this weekend!
12. Israeli dance in folk dance this afternoon :)
13. It's June...

Ready for spring

Yesterday was my last free day before spring classes start (sad day! although spring classes will be awesome, too.) Lots of good things happened:

• After much deliberating and shirking and dragging my feet, I finally signed a housing contract for fall - in the very same apartment I lived in last year - hehe. I liked it there. It was admittedly less fun to arrange considering I'll be starting over fresh with new roommates (since all the old ones have abandoned me for marriage or missions... growl) :D but hey, it will be a great adventure!
• Sewing success! This makes me happy beyond words, considering the epic Skirt Disaster or Apron Pocket Disaster or Pile of Unfinished Projects disaster. But, I am happy to report, the swimsuit top is now unique, attractive, and most of all, MODEST (hooray) and not to mention, the straps are the same width and length and the seams are straight (mostly) so I call that success!
• National Treasure 2. Other than Harry Potter, what better way to spend your last free afternoon than watching Ben and Abigail discover a giant golden city buried deep beneath Mount Rushmore? Seriously. Nothing tops it.
  
• And finally, library books! For all the free time I probably won't have :)

Good day. I'm ready for spring. Too bad there was a blizzard this morning...

Confessions of an obsessed muggle...

I am secretly obsessed with these...
Okay, well, it's not really a secret. AT ALL. I'm completely obsessed. I just finished reading the entire series for the seventh or eighth time yesterday. And THESE came in the mail yesterday to complete my movie collection!
I have 7.15.2011 circled in red on my calendar - the day the final movie is released. It all ends then!

It was the best of times...

I am officially more than halfway done with my college education. It's rather a crazy thought. I took my last final, sold back a textbook, and walked away from winter 2011. Strange how time passes, dragging tediously on, yet in a flash it's over. The sheer number of words I've typed in the last four months is staggering, the things I've done, people I've met, experiences I've had... okay, enough silliness, WINTER SEMESTER IS OVER!!!!! HOORAY!!!! hehe :)

Still, though, with the excitement comes a twinge of nervous fright for the future - because suddenly life is flying forward at breakneck speed, and there's no stopping it, no backing up, no reverse, no rewind, no re-doing of missed moments. Sometimes in a quiet moment my thoughts catch me off guard, the sudden lurch of fear that I'm wasting time, that I'm missing the fullness of happiness and success that could be mine. I panic a moment and zoom through a mental checklist to make sure I'm still focused on the essentials. Living day to day, it's a big deal, waking, breathing, feeling, experiencing all the joy and beauty that this life has to offer.

But when a bird tweets happily outside my window, the smell of rain or of freshly-mown grass, a carpet of snow covering the ground, or even just the warmth of the sun on my face, I pause for a moment on my quest for success and perfection and think, now this, this is heaven. Life is a sweet, sweet thing.

Viva la Vida.

Folk dance feeling

It happened on the last dance, the one from Macedonia (I think) where everyone holds hands and sings from their hearts. And suddenly I looked around at all the people in the big, long line, the strangers on either side of me, the PAC and SPAC and WDS and 10Wilk Pirates and 8Wilk and 2RB and my own teammates from 9Wilk Laloemileelo, and I just wanted to hug all of them. There's a special feeling that comes from dancing for two hours in a hot, sweaty room, where you can't even understand the words to the songs, and your legs hurt, and there's a long line for the drinking fountain, but you dance hard, and you dance from your heart. There's something special about that, something you can't quite put into words. It's like family, even though you don't even know everyone's names or anything about them. For a minute all the team cliques broke, and we were all folk dancers, all celebrating our chance to share feelings in our hearts through dance. It was the most beautiful moment, and it left a warm feeling in my heart that just won't go away.

I'm so blessed to be a member of the International Folk Dance Ensemble. This has been one of the most amazing experiences of my time in college, and I'm so so glad I have four more semesters to enjoy it even more!

Viva la vida... and don't forget to DANCE!

The best feeling in the world...

Is finding out that you passed the test to get into your major and you made it, and you don't have to retake the test, don't have to replan your life, don't have to rework all your dreams, and the best part is that you prayed about it the night before and asked for God to guide you - and this was the answer.

I got into the Translation major. Green light to continue on the path I have planned!

Oh, and I also must share a bit more random trivia. I joined Sigma Delta Pi. We had a fabulous initiation ceremony where we stood in a circle and lit our candles from the club president's candle, symbolizing the light that shines within each of us, and then we put our lights out with our fingers. Although we didn't actually light the candles, because there's some pretty awesome fire codes about that. So it was all imaginary. I was then given some cords to wear when I graduate - in two+ years. Better not lose those. I also ate some strawberry cheesecake, met a bunch of people, and decided Sigma Delta Pi might end up being a lot of fun.

Second random story. I ate dinner tonight in the hallway of the JKB with the custodial night crew. Seriously. Apparently they have a potluck dinner every friday, and since my locker is in that hall, their overly friendly supervisor refused to let me gracefully exit and insisted I share in their feast. It was actually quite fun, once I got past the awkwardness of it all - I met four really awesome people at my table who I hope to run into again - they were cool.

Yay for super random days...

Beautiful peace

I'm working on a Day Zero goal to make a list of 101 things that make me happy. It isn't finished, mainly because there are SO many things that make me happy that I can't decide what the top 101 would be!

But as I changed my desktop background at work this morning, I realized one of the things I love most. Beautiful nature scenery. Whether it's the sun filtering through a cool canopy of leaves in a mountain forest, or the way the ocean stretches out to meet the horizon in the distance, there's a certain peace I find from sitting and drinking in the beauty that God has created. That's a kind of peace and joy I haven't found any other way - and I love it.

These are all pictures I took in Spain - in moments where the beauty took my breath away.

I love folk dance

THIS MUCH!

i love my team!

Think happy thoughts

The best thing to do when overwhelmed is to count your blessings. I am so incredibly blessed, and these are some of the things I'm feeling very grateful for right now:

• My mom. We're best friends, and I love that. I miss living at home, and it's only been three days... but still. She's the greatest, and I can tell her anything that's going on and she always listens.
  
• The scriptures. I'm working on the Book of Mormon in Spanish right now, and I love reading the word of the Lord and seeing how it gives me peace and confidence every morning.
  
• Dance. Ballet, Folk, clogging, all of it. I absolutely LOVE that I have a dance class EVERY day! It's amazing.
  
• Macaroni and cheese. Haha. Had to say it.
  
• Slippers. I hate cold floors, and my slippers are super soft. Basically I look forward to getting home so I can put them on...
• My job. Even though it's really stressful right now, I'm in my element when I'm working and getting my stuff done. It's a lot of fun and I love the people I work with!
• Letters from a best friend I love so much. I have one waiting for me at home right now :)
  
• Prayer. I would be a complete stressed-out miserable wreck right now if I didn't have the gift of being able to talk to my Heavenly Father. I love Him more than anything, and I'm incredibly grateful to Him for giving me my life, my challenges, and all the amazing blessings I have. Even when life is difficult and I can't see the future, He can, and that's enough.
  

Life is good. Viva la vida.

Finding Myself

It came somewhere in between Bhangra and an Israeli dance.

Hundreds of people, hands linked in a circle, spinning and stepping in rhythmic beauty.

This is where I belong.

I made a choice once. I thought I had no other alternative. I thought I needed to "move on" or "grow up." I gave up one of the things I loved the most. Because of that choice, I've traveled down a path in my life, had some amazing, wonderful experiences, learned a great deal, become who I am today.

I don't regret the choice I made. I made it wisely, the best I could. I just wonder sometimes if maybe it wasn't my only alternative. Because I've realized since that dance means more to me than nearly anything else in my life, even if I'm not "the best," even if it's just in an informal setting. I was foolish to think that I could give it up and not looked back. I've spent the last year and five months looking back and longing. I still miss clogging. More than I usually admit. I've seriously considered going back, several times. But that time in my life has passed, and going back wouldn't even be the same.

I'm dancing with the BYU International Folk Dancers now, on their lower-level teams. I hope to move up before I leave BYU. It's the fulfillment of a dream I've had since I was about eight years old. I've watched them perform for years and dreamed of being one of them. Finally I am. It's amazing, and I love it! I feel so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity.

Is it silly, then, that I still miss clogging? One does not replace the other. It just can't. I think I'm learning that nothing ever will. I don't think I'll ever stop missing the rhythm in my feet and the beat in my head, the smile on my face and the amazing feeling of twelve dancers on stage, pounding their feet in unity, and the feeling in my heart when I finish, and it's amazing.

Do you think people dance in heaven?

I hope so.

And I hope they let me bring my clogging shoes.