Happy New Year

Today is the first day of a brand new year.

I know, you're confused. "New Year's isn't until January 1st! It's only September 27th!"
But, when you think about it, a new year starts every single day. Each day of our lives we're given the opportunity to start fresh, to set goals, to make resolutions, and to leave the past behind as we face forward with a new hope for the future.

Ryan likes to tell me I'm perfect. And when he does, it makes me smile. I think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing man think so highly of me. However, we've instead adopted the phrase "You're perfect for me" in lieu of calling each other perfect. Because, let's face it, as much as we'd all like to be perfect, none of us are. Only our Savior, Jesus Christ, came to earth and lived a perfect life. The rest of us struggle. We have failings and shortcomings. Sometimes our mistakes are small, and sometimes they're big. But we all have them. Myself included.

One of my favorite songs talks about how "the person who I've been lately isn't who I want to be." I think everyone sings these lyrics to themselves at one point or another in their life. I sometimes look back at a day or a week or even a month and think, "That's not who I am. That's not how I act. I'm better than that." And it can be incredibly disheartening to realize that I've spent so much time living far below my potential as a daughter of God.

I was thinking about that this morning, thinking about all the times I've been unkind, or judged harshly, and all the times I've made excuses for myself when I didn't do everything I knew I should. And I started feeling pretty down about it.

And then I remembered something my mission prep teacher said two years ago. He told us that repentance and forgiveness is literally becoming a new person. Just like starting a new year every day, repentance allows us to start over at the beginning - just as if it had never happened and we had been perfect all along. And once I repent, all of my frustration and shortness is gone, because that was the old me, and this is the new me.

I remember in class thinking that that was kind of weird, and I didn't quite get the concept of forgiving and forgetting - especially forgiving myself. But the more I come to understand about the Atonement, the more I know that it's true. "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more." (Doctrine & Covenants 58:42) If the Lord forgives and forgets my sins and moves on, who am I to refuse to do so as well?

President Holland gave one of my all-time favorite talks at BYU one year - and it's one that still makes me cry every time I read it. As he said:

Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again.... Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it, until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future, and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are, and with His help, where you are willing to go. That is the thing Lot's wife didn't get. This is an important matter to consider at the start of a new year ‐‐ and every day ought to be the start of a new year and a new life. Such is the wonder of faith and repentance and the miracles of the Gospel
of Jesus Christ.

So happy new year! I stand forever grateful for my Savior - who suffered so that I could have a clean slate, and when I mess up again, as I almost inevitably will, so that I could have another one. And one day we'll be able to stand with Him and see just how far we've come, all thanks to His infinite love and sacrifice.

Viva la Vida.

Swimming laps

I learned how to swim laps this week. And by swimming laps, I mean learning the general art of keeping my head in the water, coordinating my breathing, keeping my eyes in my goggles open, swimming a straight line, NOT inhaling the entire pool... etc. 

It's like life. There's a lot to think about. If you stop doing any of the important things, you choke, and the water wastes no time in trying to drown you. You have to be diligent, keep moving forward, keep a steady rhythm going, and not panic when things don't go quite right. 

You also have to slow down. President Uchtdorf gave an amazing conference address where he challenged us to focus on the things that matter most, to simplify our lives a little. When life gets stressful and challenges arise, too often we try to keep up the same frantic pace. There is no shame in stopping to breathe, in taking some time to refocus on the important things in life. Just like in swimming, too often we choke a little and instead of slowing to take a deeper breath, we plunge on ahead, often nearly drowning ourselves in the process. 

Life is too beautiful to waste a single moment coughing and spluttering in a frantic pace toward a supposed finish line. Life is not a race, but a journey, to be taken at the pace that most enables us to progress. Worry, fear, and stress are a part of life. They visit every so often, and when they do, it is up to us to take a deep breath and continue paddling, to continue doing the things that matter most. The Lord counsels, "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength...but be diligent unto the end." (D&C 10:4) 

With perseverance and unwavering faith, pretty soon we'll finish our laps and reach the end of the pool and, like Paul, be able to say, "I have fought a good fight,  I have finished my course, I have kept the faith... Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day." (2 Tim. 4:7-8). 

Viva la Vida.

But be of good cheer; I have overcome the world

The phrase "Be of good cheer" has occasionally stuck out to me in various contexts, and I've often wondered just what exactly Christ meant when He told us to "be of good cheer." Surely, I've thought, there are times when He can't possibly expect us to be cheerful - the world is filled with trials and problems that touch each of our lives in personal and painful ways. But the more I learn about the gospel, the more I realize that yes, it is possible to be of good cheer, even in the midst of a whirlwind of pain and affliction.

I read an amazing article in the Ensign today that talked about this very subject. I highly recommend it, it can be found online here or on page 57 of the July 2011 Ensign. I think the adversary didn't want me to read it, because I literally started to read it six times before I was finally able to finish the whole thing uninterrupted. And when I finally did, I was really glad. The author pointed out a number of things that really stood out to me.

First, "Obedience to God is not insurance against pain and sadness." It's a false assumption to think that if we're perfect, life will be perfect. To quote a favorite movie, "Life IS pain, Princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (Princess Bride).
Challenges, trials, and tests of faith are an inherent part of life, and they are no respecter of persons. Everyone suffers, even those who strive daily to keep all the commandments. Therefore, we can be of good cheer even in the midst of the trial, knowing that pain and suffering doesn't mean God is punishing us, or that we're bad people.

Second, if we believe that we have to be perfect before the Atonement will cover us - we're wrong. It's easy to think that we have to be perfect in all things and then Christ's atonement will kick in and relieve us of the heavy burdens we bear.
I have come to know that our Heavenly Father does not leave anyone to struggle alone, trying to lift the burden of perfection without His help. The only catch is simply that we have to turn to Him. Sometimes that involves acknowledging personal weakness. Sometimes it takes repentance, or humility. No matter what it requires, the promise is that the weight will lift from our shoulders, and we can find joy through Him.

"Cheerfulness in the scriptural context connotes a divinely assured optimism, "a deep trust in God's unfolding purposes," a grounded conviction that God will always keep His promises.... True happiness and satisfaction are found only by turning away from the world and coming to Christ." He has promised His help, His love, and His forgiveness when we come to Him in humility. "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
I can think of no better reason to be of good cheer.

Viva la Vida.

We'll bring the world His truth

Incidentally, that's one of my very favorite songs. Just as a side note.

In the spirit of my recent contemplation of the power and joy that comes from missionary work, I was catching up on reading a mission blog, and I love this post here. I love hearing stories like this, and I'm happy for all the people in the world who have the opportunity to hear and accept the Gospel - because it holds the only source of true joy!

Viva la Vida.

Why yes, I am on vacation

And yes, it is going fabulously. I'm having a blast. Life is good, although my feet are getting darn tired of being so USED all the time.

But that is not the purpose of this blog post. The vacation news will come at a later time. Maybe. If I feel like it.

The purpose of this post is simply to declare to all the world that missionary work is true. I don't think I've ever really thought about missionary work as much as I have in the past few days. At least, not in the way that I have. There are a number of things we could attribute that to, but we're simply going to attribute it to the time I've spent recently out in the missionary field.

For example. At church in Daytona Beach, a girl about my age, ish, got up and spoke in sacrament meeting. She told the story of her conversion two years previous, and the wonderful miracle it was that the missionaries arrived at her home at just the right time. She talked about the way she felt when she joined the church, the way that she feels now, and she shared her testimony.

And to me, it was the most beautiful thing.

Later, we had the opportunity to hear from the Orlando Mission President, who encouraged all of us to be member missionaries. I've heard a lot about this, yet I somehow seem to go glassy-eyed when they talk about it, thinking to myself, I don't need to do that - I live in Utah. Not so. It suddenly struck me, sitting there in that ward, that I might not live in Utah forever. Someday I might live in a ward that covers a huge land area, or in a branch, waiting anxiously to become a ward. I might live right out in the mission field, and when or if that day comes, I want to be ready.

And suddenly, missionary work means more to me and has become more personal to me than ever before. I love the Gospel with all my heart. It truly forms the core of my life, bringing meaning and color into everything I experience. I can't imagine my life without it, or without my relationship with my Savior.

Viva missionaries. All of them, all over the world - the ones I know, and the ones I don't know. They truly carry on the work of the Lord.

Viva la Vida.

Measuring up

This morning I was perusing blogs I follow of friends and acquaintances, some single, some married. I looked at pictures of their families, read posts about their recent craft or home improvement projects, their straight-A semesters. I looked with envy at the cute dresses a friend had sewn for her little girl, marveled at how beautifully a young couple's new home had been decorated.

I tell myself I read these things to "find inspiration" or "get ideas." However, I think it's safe to say that every time I finish reading, I feel the sad realization that I'm never going to measure up to these women. I'm not an expert seamstress, and I lack the patience for very detailed work. I work very hard in school, but I don't always ace every class. I'm taking an interior design class, but I don't feel confident in my ability to decorate a home with taste and perfect coordination.

It's easy to look at these women and suddenly feel like a complete failure. Thoughts of never measuring up, never being good at these things, someday being a poor wife and mother creep in the instant I let down my guard. I think, actually, I know, this is a common problem among sisters in the Church. We want to be that "perfect" person in every aspect of our lives, and there's always someone that we can look at and idolize, placing them on a pedestal of perfect sisterhood. Elder Wirthlin gave some valuable council, though, in an article from 2001 that was quoted in the February Ensign:

"Let me cite a hypothetical example of a dear sister in any ward, the one who has perfect children who never cause a disturbance in church. She is the one working on her 20th generation in her family history, keeps an immaculate home, has memorized the book of Mark, and makes wool sweaters for the orphaned children in Romania. No disrespect, of course, intended for any of these worthy goals. Now, when you get tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up because of this dear sister, please remember you're not competing with her any more than I'm competing with the members of the Quorum of the Twelve in winning a 50-yard dash.

"The only thing you need to worry about is striving to be the best you can be. And how do you do that? You keep your eye on the goals that matter most in life, and you move towards them step by step." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "One Step after Another," Ensign, Nov. 2001)

Every child of God who has ever been or ever will be has been blessed with divine talents and attributes that make them special and successful in the eyes of the Lord, if they strive to improve upon them and use them to build His kingdom. Maybe I'm not good at sewing or crafting, but I have other talents, and God knows that, and in His eyes I am just as special as anyone else. It's not a competition - it's a personalized life experience, the point of which is to become the person Heavenly Father knows we can truly be, someone like Him.

I love the Gospel!