So remember that post from way back whenever that I wrote a whole paragraph about how sad it was that no one ever celebrates my birthday?
Well, tonight they did. I was the shocked recipient of one of the best surprise birthday parties I have ever seen, complete with streamers, balloons, a giant birthday card, two cakes decorated with a guitar and the Spain flag, and more people than I ever thought would come to a party for me. I was completely, totally surprised. I started crying when I came in the door. I've never had a surprise party, ever, and it was perfect. Completely perfect.
For the last couple of weeks I've kind of felt like I failed this school year. I had all these goals to make friends and live it up and be the kind of person I really wanted to be, and I thought I'd failed. I didn't think I really had made friends at all, and I was feeling really down about it. The fact that about 20 different people showed up at a party on a Tuesday night, just for me, completely shocked me. I guess it kind of teaches me a lesson, in a way.
We talk a lot about the "ripple effect" where things you do have bigger consequences than you realize. It's a lot like in It's A Wonderful Life. You don't realize just how many lives you've touched, people you've affected. It can feel like you're nobody at all, when in reality, lots of people know and care about you. I guess that's something I struggle with realizing a lot, and I hope that I can keep remembering how I feel tonight, knowing how many people care about me. Because friends are what makes life worth living!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
People
People often tend to look at each other like yearbook pictures; a neat little package of characteristics and attributes that all fit together with the way the person appears to the world.
But people are not pictures, and they aren't neat little packets of characteristics. The different aspects of themselves are sometimes jagged on the edges, sometimes they're like repelling magnets that don't fit together at all. Sometimes pieces of them are dark and confusing, maybe even ugly, and sometimes pieces of them are more beautiful than anyone could imagine, but they're encased in protective coating so that no one can see them in their most vulnerable light.
Lots of times people just don't want to be generalized, don't want to be pushed into a mold that fit someone else, don't want to be made into a cookie-cutter version of an idealistic individual, don't want to be cut out and pasted on a page in the yearbook like thousands of other people. Lots of times they just want to be heard, to be loved and appreciated, and to know that there's a spot for them that will move to fit their jagged edges, that will accept them how they are and let them feel safe enough to become who they could be.
But people are not pictures, and they aren't neat little packets of characteristics. The different aspects of themselves are sometimes jagged on the edges, sometimes they're like repelling magnets that don't fit together at all. Sometimes pieces of them are dark and confusing, maybe even ugly, and sometimes pieces of them are more beautiful than anyone could imagine, but they're encased in protective coating so that no one can see them in their most vulnerable light.
Lots of times people just don't want to be generalized, don't want to be pushed into a mold that fit someone else, don't want to be made into a cookie-cutter version of an idealistic individual, don't want to be cut out and pasted on a page in the yearbook like thousands of other people. Lots of times they just want to be heard, to be loved and appreciated, and to know that there's a spot for them that will move to fit their jagged edges, that will accept them how they are and let them feel safe enough to become who they could be.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thankful
For good friends and great roommates.
For cubicles in the library next to windows.
For sunshine.
For Starburst jellybeans and strawberries.
For Little Caesar's hot and ready $5 pizza.
For clean carpets and tidy bedrooms.
For the sheer number of colors that exist in the world.
For eternal marriage.
For wonderful, good books.
For moms.
For ingenious ideas and creative thinkers.
For getting my paper done.
For springtime and that sunset isn't until eight.
For Easter and all it represents.
For packages in the mail.
For my fish, who swims to the top when I talk to him, and to whom I am incredibly attached, it's almost silly, but still on the touching side.
For movies that make me want to be a better person.
For the atonement.
For everything I have been given, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the trials and the moments where I want to cry for joy, I'm thankful for it all, because it's making me into the best me I can possibly be.
For cubicles in the library next to windows.
For sunshine.
For Starburst jellybeans and strawberries.
For Little Caesar's hot and ready $5 pizza.
For clean carpets and tidy bedrooms.
For the sheer number of colors that exist in the world.
For eternal marriage.
For wonderful, good books.
For moms.
For ingenious ideas and creative thinkers.
For getting my paper done.
For springtime and that sunset isn't until eight.
For Easter and all it represents.
For packages in the mail.
For my fish, who swims to the top when I talk to him, and to whom I am incredibly attached, it's almost silly, but still on the touching side.
For movies that make me want to be a better person.
For the atonement.
For everything I have been given, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the trials and the moments where I want to cry for joy, I'm thankful for it all, because it's making me into the best me I can possibly be.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Last night
I went latin dancing.
I did something spontaneous I wouldn't normally do.
I learned the basic steps and some turns for salsa, merengue, and bachata.
I danced with four or five people I didn't know, including a guy who's done ballroom dance his whole life (dancing with a guy who knows what he's doing is SO much fun!)
I went to Denny's and had an oreo milkshake that gave me a stomachache afterward.
I talked about Spain with people who are just as excited as me.
I made four new friends.
I had a BLAST!
I remembered how much fun it is to make new friends and get to know new people.
I came home two hours after my normal bedtime, overslept this morning, and really didn't care.
Life is so much more fun when you share it with others.
I did something spontaneous I wouldn't normally do.
I learned the basic steps and some turns for salsa, merengue, and bachata.
I danced with four or five people I didn't know, including a guy who's done ballroom dance his whole life (dancing with a guy who knows what he's doing is SO much fun!)
I went to Denny's and had an oreo milkshake that gave me a stomachache afterward.
I talked about Spain with people who are just as excited as me.
I made four new friends.
I had a BLAST!
I remembered how much fun it is to make new friends and get to know new people.
I came home two hours after my normal bedtime, overslept this morning, and really didn't care.
Life is so much more fun when you share it with others.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
my wish
I listen to country music way too much.
But I really like the song My Wish by Rascal Flatts. I always have loved it, and my love for it has been renewed this week.
Look it up. It's good.
But I really like the song My Wish by Rascal Flatts. I always have loved it, and my love for it has been renewed this week.
Look it up. It's good.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sometimes I look around
and feel an odd sense of mild surprise that the world is still turning. Because some days I get so lost in introspection that I forget everyone else doesn't know what it feels like to be two places at once. Figuratively, of course.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I love rainy days
I love sunny days too, but there's something wonderful about a light rain starting to fall from clouds hanging heavy above, the sound of droplets splattering in the street, pattering on the roof, splashing against the windowpanes. I love walking in a light drizzle, then suddenly the clouds burst open in a torrent of water.
It makes me think of my first year going on tour to Branson. The first night we went to a hotel. Everyone was excited to go swimming, but the sky was ominously gray, then, the moment we pulled into the parking lot, it started to pour so hard we could barely see the building in front of us. We were drenched by the time we reached the hotel.
And then of course there was my second year in Branson, when all our shows were cancelled because the rain just poured all day, and we spent the day in the park, drenched and soaking wet, but having the time of our lives riding the rides that had no lines because nearly all the guests had left the park.
But more than the fun memories is the feeling I get when I can walk in the rain, letting it wash over me, getting soaking wet, the smell of it, one of my favorite smells in the world, the sound of thunder, the flash of lightning in the distance, and the peaceful feeling of an earth wrapped in rain, almost as if the cares and tasks of daily life are somehow suspended for a moment, while the rain gently falls.
It's one of my very favorite things.
It makes me think of my first year going on tour to Branson. The first night we went to a hotel. Everyone was excited to go swimming, but the sky was ominously gray, then, the moment we pulled into the parking lot, it started to pour so hard we could barely see the building in front of us. We were drenched by the time we reached the hotel.
And then of course there was my second year in Branson, when all our shows were cancelled because the rain just poured all day, and we spent the day in the park, drenched and soaking wet, but having the time of our lives riding the rides that had no lines because nearly all the guests had left the park.
But more than the fun memories is the feeling I get when I can walk in the rain, letting it wash over me, getting soaking wet, the smell of it, one of my favorite smells in the world, the sound of thunder, the flash of lightning in the distance, and the peaceful feeling of an earth wrapped in rain, almost as if the cares and tasks of daily life are somehow suspended for a moment, while the rain gently falls.
It's one of my very favorite things.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
So this is how liberty dies...
"Only in Washington DC can you say that you're going to spend a trillion dollars and save the taxpayers money." - Representative from Indiana
Today I watched the House of Representatives debate the healthcare bill. I'm firmly against it; I see it as a big overstep of the government, reaching far beyond where they belong. Every Republican in the House is against it, and I don't blame them. The bill is over 4,000 pages long. It includes a large number of "earmarks" that are basically concessions written in for different representatives and their states that essentially buy their vote for the bill. It's bribery, pure and simple, and I can only imagine what our founding fathers would think if they were here today.
The healthcare bill is incredibly unpopular. I've listened to Democrats appealing to the "wants and needs of the people, of families, of children" in order to encourage their bill, and I wonder, who are they talking about? "Survey after survey has demonstrated the unpopularity of this bill" - Republican representative. It's true. Look at Canada, if you want to know how it's going to go. As a college student looking forward to marriage and starting a family at some point in the next few years, the deterioration of healthcare and increase in taxes and insurance costs scares me.
However, I believe that before this day is over, they'll probably pass it. And if not today, another day. I suppose I have somewhat of a cynical perspective, or perhaps it's a gospel perspective, I don't know. But I don't really think that things are going to get better anytime soon. Yes, there are small victories and little miracles every day. But I believe the world is only going to get worse, and things are only going to get harder, until the return of the Savior.
I watch the Democrats make their presentations, tell their stories, plow through the opposition as if it didn't even exist, and it reminds me of the meeting of the congress in Star Wars 3, where the Chancellor proclaims himself Emperor, when he dissolves their system of government, when he convinces nearly everyone that this is a "historic" moment, a good move, for the good of everyone, and Padme states, "So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause."
Today I watched the House of Representatives debate the healthcare bill. I'm firmly against it; I see it as a big overstep of the government, reaching far beyond where they belong. Every Republican in the House is against it, and I don't blame them. The bill is over 4,000 pages long. It includes a large number of "earmarks" that are basically concessions written in for different representatives and their states that essentially buy their vote for the bill. It's bribery, pure and simple, and I can only imagine what our founding fathers would think if they were here today.
The healthcare bill is incredibly unpopular. I've listened to Democrats appealing to the "wants and needs of the people, of families, of children" in order to encourage their bill, and I wonder, who are they talking about? "Survey after survey has demonstrated the unpopularity of this bill" - Republican representative. It's true. Look at Canada, if you want to know how it's going to go. As a college student looking forward to marriage and starting a family at some point in the next few years, the deterioration of healthcare and increase in taxes and insurance costs scares me.
However, I believe that before this day is over, they'll probably pass it. And if not today, another day. I suppose I have somewhat of a cynical perspective, or perhaps it's a gospel perspective, I don't know. But I don't really think that things are going to get better anytime soon. Yes, there are small victories and little miracles every day. But I believe the world is only going to get worse, and things are only going to get harder, until the return of the Savior.
I watch the Democrats make their presentations, tell their stories, plow through the opposition as if it didn't even exist, and it reminds me of the meeting of the congress in Star Wars 3, where the Chancellor proclaims himself Emperor, when he dissolves their system of government, when he convinces nearly everyone that this is a "historic" moment, a good move, for the good of everyone, and Padme states, "So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause."
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I feel like a lump...
So I miss feeling healthy.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm sick or overweight at all or anything, I have remarkably good health, it's great.
I'm just sick of eating junk food, tons of sugar, and fairly unbalanced meals. I hate that I have practically no self-control or discipline in my snacking. I'm not sure what to do about it.
And I miss spending around 30 minutes a day doing physical activity I love. I've tried running, and it was going pretty well for a while, but the fact of it is, it's boring, and I really don't enjoy it. And it's impossible for me to stay motivated to do something I don't like and don't enjoy. I wish I had a way to play tennis more, that's what I'd like to do, short of being back on my clogging team, which isn't an option anymore.
This summer is going to be better. One day a week I'm going to run. One day a week I'm going to play tennis. One day a week I'm going to ride my bike. And one day a week I'm going to swim, dance, run, or do something else. I hope I can at least do that.
I'm also going to start today eating healthier, starting by putting the right amount of vegetables back into my diet, stopping drinking soda, stopping eating candy after 7pm, and only eating one serving of desserts when I'm at social events. Good deal? Hopefully.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm sick or overweight at all or anything, I have remarkably good health, it's great.
I'm just sick of eating junk food, tons of sugar, and fairly unbalanced meals. I hate that I have practically no self-control or discipline in my snacking. I'm not sure what to do about it.
And I miss spending around 30 minutes a day doing physical activity I love. I've tried running, and it was going pretty well for a while, but the fact of it is, it's boring, and I really don't enjoy it. And it's impossible for me to stay motivated to do something I don't like and don't enjoy. I wish I had a way to play tennis more, that's what I'd like to do, short of being back on my clogging team, which isn't an option anymore.
This summer is going to be better. One day a week I'm going to run. One day a week I'm going to play tennis. One day a week I'm going to ride my bike. And one day a week I'm going to swim, dance, run, or do something else. I hope I can at least do that.
I'm also going to start today eating healthier, starting by putting the right amount of vegetables back into my diet, stopping drinking soda, stopping eating candy after 7pm, and only eating one serving of desserts when I'm at social events. Good deal? Hopefully.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The circle of our love.
You know, they say that the idea that people met in the premortal world and were meant to find each other and be together is false doctrine. They don't believe there's one person out there for you to meet and that you're supposed to be with.
I believe.
I believe.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Happy birthday? Or not.
Once upon a time today was supposed to be my birthday.
Ever since forever I've been mad that my birthday was clear at the end of the school year, when nobody really cared anymore. And here at BYU, it's even after the semester is over, and REALLY nobody cares.
So I decided that my birthday should be March 16 instead. Just once. Just this year, while all my best friends are around me for probably the last time. I was even going to change it online and have a party and everything. It was going to be awesome.
But I didn't want to bug my friends about it, and so I didn't really push it.
Instead, I spent the whole day frantically trying to get a million things done, bursting into tears twice, and accomplishing very little of everything that really needed to get done.
I'm glad it wasn't my real birthday today. It would be sad if my real birthday had been so miserable, and not just my pretend one.
I'm still mad that nobody will be around for my birthday, though.
Ever since forever I've been mad that my birthday was clear at the end of the school year, when nobody really cared anymore. And here at BYU, it's even after the semester is over, and REALLY nobody cares.
So I decided that my birthday should be March 16 instead. Just once. Just this year, while all my best friends are around me for probably the last time. I was even going to change it online and have a party and everything. It was going to be awesome.
But I didn't want to bug my friends about it, and so I didn't really push it.
Instead, I spent the whole day frantically trying to get a million things done, bursting into tears twice, and accomplishing very little of everything that really needed to get done.
I'm glad it wasn't my real birthday today. It would be sad if my real birthday had been so miserable, and not just my pretend one.
I'm still mad that nobody will be around for my birthday, though.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Love is...
Love...
Love is being yourself, no pretenses, no acts.
Love is never selfish, never mean, never demanding.
Love is placing the hopes and dreams and feelings of the one you love above those of yourself, even if it might be hard, even if it hurts, and especially if it requires sacrifice.
Love is not compromise. Love is making the best decision, together, and agreeing on it.
Love is offering a shoulder to cry on even when you want to cry yourself.
Love is seeing people's potential to become, and asking yourself how you can help them become it.
Love is accepting people as they are and encouraging them to be the best they can be.
Love is knowing that you'll disagree, and remembering that you can overcome the disagreement.
Love is never expecting more than you're willing to give.
Love is knowing that you're not perfect, and that the other person isn't perfect, and recognizing that it doesn't really matter.
Love is being yourself, no pretenses, no acts.
Love is never selfish, never mean, never demanding.
Love is placing the hopes and dreams and feelings of the one you love above those of yourself, even if it might be hard, even if it hurts, and especially if it requires sacrifice.
Love is not compromise. Love is making the best decision, together, and agreeing on it.
Love is offering a shoulder to cry on even when you want to cry yourself.
Love is seeing people's potential to become, and asking yourself how you can help them become it.
Love is accepting people as they are and encouraging them to be the best they can be.
Love is knowing that you'll disagree, and remembering that you can overcome the disagreement.
Love is never expecting more than you're willing to give.
Love is knowing that you're not perfect, and that the other person isn't perfect, and recognizing that it doesn't really matter.
the last blog
I've recently had a blogging crisis, sort of like an identity crisis, only with blogging, and not my identity...
The blogging crisis resulted in the decision to start fresh with a new site, a new name, and a new page.
My intent in doing this is not to dissuade people from reading my thoughts, rather, to monitor more carefully the thoughts I share, so as to share the good ones with more people and keep the, well, also good yet more personal, ones to myself.
I also plan to use this site to talk about my summer adventures, my Spain adventures, my college adventures, and the adventures I have while cleaning under my bed (not for the faint of heart...)
Let it be known that my intent and purpose is to uplift, inspire, share, and generally contribute to the world in a positive manner by providing thought-provoking, meaningful, and interesting reading for the people who care to follow me.
I am also going to be importing the last post from my last blog, in case my faithful followers didn't get a chance to read it before I closed my door.
I might open the other one up again someday, but right now, a change is in order.
- Snoopy
The blogging crisis resulted in the decision to start fresh with a new site, a new name, and a new page.
My intent in doing this is not to dissuade people from reading my thoughts, rather, to monitor more carefully the thoughts I share, so as to share the good ones with more people and keep the, well, also good yet more personal, ones to myself.
I also plan to use this site to talk about my summer adventures, my Spain adventures, my college adventures, and the adventures I have while cleaning under my bed (not for the faint of heart...)
Let it be known that my intent and purpose is to uplift, inspire, share, and generally contribute to the world in a positive manner by providing thought-provoking, meaningful, and interesting reading for the people who care to follow me.
I am also going to be importing the last post from my last blog, in case my faithful followers didn't get a chance to read it before I closed my door.
I might open the other one up again someday, but right now, a change is in order.
- Snoopy
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