So I'll admit it. When I was little and I graduated from reading the Friend to reading the New Era, I was devastated. But I read the New Era anyway, and eventually I really came to love it. However, the Ensign in my mind was always a big, thick magazine, full of dry topics and long discourses on heavy, complicated doctrinal topics, with not enough pictures. The Ensign was, in fact, for adults.
So I'll admit that when I finally became an adult and moved out and started paying rent and all that fun adult-ish sort of stuff, I clung to macaroni and cheese and books from the teen and young adult section and tried to ignore the Ensign. Therefore, I was taken aback when I had a roommate who would sit and read Ensign articles to herself every morning over breakfast. I thought she must just be crazy and couldn't possibly be enjoying herself.
But deep down I figured I should probably read the Ensign. After all, it contains the words of our latter-day prophets and apostles, and it is a form of modern-day scripture.
So my 101 list seemed a good enough excuse to read the Ensign. I made a goal and bought a subscription.
And I discovered something.
The Ensign is awesome.
It's full of stories, testimonies, talks, topics that apply to me, good advice, information about life, and amazing insight.
I just renewed my subscription. My year is up, but I wouldn't stop reading the Ensign for anything!
Viva la Vida.
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, April 29, 2011
Regretting.
I saw someone tonight that I haven't talked to in six years.
The last time we did talk, I broke his heart in the middle of the sophomore hall.
It's silly now - heck, I wasn't even sixteen years old yet, and it was just high school drama. But the way that he was never anything but nice to me, and yet I treated him like a worn-out pair of shoes, that has stuck with me for six years. So I saw him tonight at a party. I looked over at him a few times, but, I'm ashamed to say, I was still too embarrassed and self-conscious to say a word. I'm sure by now he really couldn't care less - it was two months in 10th grade, and he probably laughs about it now. But it still haunts me, and I'm terribly embarrassed of how self-centered and inconsiderate I was.
It leaves me thinking "now what?" I don't know how to contact him except maybe through Facebook, and even if I did, it would seem ridiculous to apologize after all this time. But it would make me feel better.
There are only a few things in life that I truly regret. That moment and the way I acted is one of them. To him, I'm sorry for the hurt I caused him, however small or silly it seems now. Live and learn, right?
The last time we did talk, I broke his heart in the middle of the sophomore hall.
It's silly now - heck, I wasn't even sixteen years old yet, and it was just high school drama. But the way that he was never anything but nice to me, and yet I treated him like a worn-out pair of shoes, that has stuck with me for six years. So I saw him tonight at a party. I looked over at him a few times, but, I'm ashamed to say, I was still too embarrassed and self-conscious to say a word. I'm sure by now he really couldn't care less - it was two months in 10th grade, and he probably laughs about it now. But it still haunts me, and I'm terribly embarrassed of how self-centered and inconsiderate I was.
It leaves me thinking "now what?" I don't know how to contact him except maybe through Facebook, and even if I did, it would seem ridiculous to apologize after all this time. But it would make me feel better.
There are only a few things in life that I truly regret. That moment and the way I acted is one of them. To him, I'm sorry for the hurt I caused him, however small or silly it seems now. Live and learn, right?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Confessions of an obsessed muggle...
I am secretly obsessed with these...
Okay, well, it's not really a secret. AT ALL. I'm completely obsessed. I just finished reading the entire series for the seventh or eighth time yesterday. And THESE came in the mail yesterday to complete my movie collection!
I have 7.15.2011 circled in red on my calendar - the day the final movie is released. It all ends then!
Okay, well, it's not really a secret. AT ALL. I'm completely obsessed. I just finished reading the entire series for the seventh or eighth time yesterday. And THESE came in the mail yesterday to complete my movie collection!
I have 7.15.2011 circled in red on my calendar - the day the final movie is released. It all ends then!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Measuring up
This morning I was perusing blogs I follow of friends and acquaintances, some single, some married. I looked at pictures of their families, read posts about their recent craft or home improvement projects, their straight-A semesters. I looked with envy at the cute dresses a friend had sewn for her little girl, marveled at how beautifully a young couple's new home had been decorated.
I tell myself I read these things to "find inspiration" or "get ideas." However, I think it's safe to say that every time I finish reading, I feel the sad realization that I'm never going to measure up to these women. I'm not an expert seamstress, and I lack the patience for very detailed work. I work very hard in school, but I don't always ace every class. I'm taking an interior design class, but I don't feel confident in my ability to decorate a home with taste and perfect coordination.
It's easy to look at these women and suddenly feel like a complete failure. Thoughts of never measuring up, never being good at these things, someday being a poor wife and mother creep in the instant I let down my guard. I think, actually, I know, this is a common problem among sisters in the Church. We want to be that "perfect" person in every aspect of our lives, and there's always someone that we can look at and idolize, placing them on a pedestal of perfect sisterhood. Elder Wirthlin gave some valuable council, though, in an article from 2001 that was quoted in the February Ensign:
"Let me cite a hypothetical example of a dear sister in any ward, the one who has perfect children who never cause a disturbance in church. She is the one working on her 20th generation in her family history, keeps an immaculate home, has memorized the book of Mark, and makes wool sweaters for the orphaned children in Romania. No disrespect, of course, intended for any of these worthy goals. Now, when you get tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up because of this dear sister, please remember you're not competing with her any more than I'm competing with the members of the Quorum of the Twelve in winning a 50-yard dash.
"The only thing you need to worry about is striving to be the best you can be. And how do you do that? You keep your eye on the goals that matter most in life, and you move towards them step by step." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "One Step after Another," Ensign, Nov. 2001)
Every child of God who has ever been or ever will be has been blessed with divine talents and attributes that make them special and successful in the eyes of the Lord, if they strive to improve upon them and use them to build His kingdom. Maybe I'm not good at sewing or crafting, but I have other talents, and God knows that, and in His eyes I am just as special as anyone else. It's not a competition - it's a personalized life experience, the point of which is to become the person Heavenly Father knows we can truly be, someone like Him.
I love the Gospel!
I tell myself I read these things to "find inspiration" or "get ideas." However, I think it's safe to say that every time I finish reading, I feel the sad realization that I'm never going to measure up to these women. I'm not an expert seamstress, and I lack the patience for very detailed work. I work very hard in school, but I don't always ace every class. I'm taking an interior design class, but I don't feel confident in my ability to decorate a home with taste and perfect coordination.
It's easy to look at these women and suddenly feel like a complete failure. Thoughts of never measuring up, never being good at these things, someday being a poor wife and mother creep in the instant I let down my guard. I think, actually, I know, this is a common problem among sisters in the Church. We want to be that "perfect" person in every aspect of our lives, and there's always someone that we can look at and idolize, placing them on a pedestal of perfect sisterhood. Elder Wirthlin gave some valuable council, though, in an article from 2001 that was quoted in the February Ensign:
"Let me cite a hypothetical example of a dear sister in any ward, the one who has perfect children who never cause a disturbance in church. She is the one working on her 20th generation in her family history, keeps an immaculate home, has memorized the book of Mark, and makes wool sweaters for the orphaned children in Romania. No disrespect, of course, intended for any of these worthy goals. Now, when you get tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up because of this dear sister, please remember you're not competing with her any more than I'm competing with the members of the Quorum of the Twelve in winning a 50-yard dash.
"The only thing you need to worry about is striving to be the best you can be. And how do you do that? You keep your eye on the goals that matter most in life, and you move towards them step by step." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "One Step after Another," Ensign, Nov. 2001)
Every child of God who has ever been or ever will be has been blessed with divine talents and attributes that make them special and successful in the eyes of the Lord, if they strive to improve upon them and use them to build His kingdom. Maybe I'm not good at sewing or crafting, but I have other talents, and God knows that, and in His eyes I am just as special as anyone else. It's not a competition - it's a personalized life experience, the point of which is to become the person Heavenly Father knows we can truly be, someone like Him.
I love the Gospel!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Not thirteen anymore
So today not one, not two, but three people confused me for a freshman.
Yesterday in class someone expressed surprise that I was a junior and almost 21 years old.
A week ago at a folk dance party I was talking to a boy who asked how I liked my first year of college. I told him this is my third year, I'm a junior. He was blown away. I asked him if he was a freshman, he said, "Yeah..." and not ten seconds later excused himself and disappeared into the crowd.
I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it really does. I hate looking years younger than I am. For some reason it makes me feel less capable and less confident. I've tried different hairstyles, different makeup, everything I can think of - but I still look young.
Last year I volunteered at a high school student language bowl on campus, and I got confused for one of the high school students. I was with a group of new friends from a class, and it was a super embarrassing experience. And every time it happens, I inevitably find myself in a bathroom less than half an hour later, staring desperately into the mirror wondering what I'm doing wrong. I really hate that feeling and hate criticizing myself when there's really nothing I can do about it, but the comments just give me a sick and frustrated feeling inside.
And if one more person follows up their mistake with, "Oh, but you'll be so glad to look young when you're forty!" I just might explode...
Yesterday in class someone expressed surprise that I was a junior and almost 21 years old.
A week ago at a folk dance party I was talking to a boy who asked how I liked my first year of college. I told him this is my third year, I'm a junior. He was blown away. I asked him if he was a freshman, he said, "Yeah..." and not ten seconds later excused himself and disappeared into the crowd.
I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it really does. I hate looking years younger than I am. For some reason it makes me feel less capable and less confident. I've tried different hairstyles, different makeup, everything I can think of - but I still look young.
Last year I volunteered at a high school student language bowl on campus, and I got confused for one of the high school students. I was with a group of new friends from a class, and it was a super embarrassing experience. And every time it happens, I inevitably find myself in a bathroom less than half an hour later, staring desperately into the mirror wondering what I'm doing wrong. I really hate that feeling and hate criticizing myself when there's really nothing I can do about it, but the comments just give me a sick and frustrated feeling inside.
And if one more person follows up their mistake with, "Oh, but you'll be so glad to look young when you're forty!" I just might explode...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
I'm a closet romantic
Minus the closet.
I posted this on Facebook, but then I decided to expound.
I've always been proud of not being a "fall for it" kind of person. I don't swoon over celebrities, don't crush on the cute guy I saw at the store for a split second, don't even fall for the attractive Elder's Quorum president or the nice Activities committee cochair. None of that for me. I'm way too practical - seriously, celebrities? They have a new girl every minute, and there's no way I want even ten minutes of that lifestyle. And really, I'm never going to see that guy in the store again. The Elder's quorum president isn't my type, not one bit, and the activities committee cochair could maybe be perfect for me, but he'd never realize it in a million years. See? Ridiculous to even think about it, much less act on it!
I probably come off super practical, a bit cynical, and just plain disinterested.
The reader would be surprised, then, to see the play count of several popular love songs on my iPod.
They would be surprised to have seen me devouring LDS romantic fiction all afternoon, a longtime Sunday tradition recently reinstated.
They'd definitely be surprised to get hold of my journal or my notebook of poetry I've written off and on through the years, especially the Spanish ones.
And counting the amount of time spent daydreaming is definitely out of the question.
Then again, maybe my practical and disinterested facade isn't as flawless as I like to think it is. Maybe this isn't so surprising after all.
And as long as my fondness for romanticism - in both the literary and relationship sense - is out, I might as well share this quote at the end of my book tonight:
"...and she would know throughout all time the true definition of celestial: eternity with the one you love."
I posted this on Facebook, but then I decided to expound.
I've always been proud of not being a "fall for it" kind of person. I don't swoon over celebrities, don't crush on the cute guy I saw at the store for a split second, don't even fall for the attractive Elder's Quorum president or the nice Activities committee cochair. None of that for me. I'm way too practical - seriously, celebrities? They have a new girl every minute, and there's no way I want even ten minutes of that lifestyle. And really, I'm never going to see that guy in the store again. The Elder's quorum president isn't my type, not one bit, and the activities committee cochair could maybe be perfect for me, but he'd never realize it in a million years. See? Ridiculous to even think about it, much less act on it!
I probably come off super practical, a bit cynical, and just plain disinterested.
The reader would be surprised, then, to see the play count of several popular love songs on my iPod.
They would be surprised to have seen me devouring LDS romantic fiction all afternoon, a longtime Sunday tradition recently reinstated.
They'd definitely be surprised to get hold of my journal or my notebook of poetry I've written off and on through the years, especially the Spanish ones.
And counting the amount of time spent daydreaming is definitely out of the question.
Then again, maybe my practical and disinterested facade isn't as flawless as I like to think it is. Maybe this isn't so surprising after all.
And as long as my fondness for romanticism - in both the literary and relationship sense - is out, I might as well share this quote at the end of my book tonight:
"...and she would know throughout all time the true definition of celestial: eternity with the one you love."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)