I don't like Christmas

I had a mind-boggling realization today.

I don't like Christmas.

Day.

I love the Christmas season with all my heart. I love lights, newfallen snow, decorating cookies, Christmas music. I love shopping for the perfect gift, and usually not finding it until you've almost given up. I love making gifts more than anything. I love watching Christmas movies, especially White Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life. I love the magic of decorating the Christmas tree and then turning off all the lights in the house and just sitting under it and staring at the lights, sipping hot cocoa and eating Keebler's Jingles cookies until you fall asleep and dream about magic.

But I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas Day itself.

Maybe it's the fact that in my family, dinner was on Christmas Eve, all the big things were Christmas Eve, there was no extended family to party with on Christmas, and after noon or so it was just over. When I think about the actual Christmas morning, especially now that I'm older and am not as excited about getting that special gift (although I won't lie, I am DYING to drive around town singing to Taylor Swift's new album at the top of my lungs, just sayin'), but yeah, it's just kind of a letdown. What I look forward to most about it is seeing how others like the gifts I got for them, and hoping that they catch a glimpse of how much effort and thought I tried to put into getting them something special.

Christmas, after all, isn't about getting stuff. And for all the things I love about the season, it's not really about any of that, either. Christmas is about Christ - about his birth, his life, and the life He continues to live so that we, too, can live. Because of Christmas, I'm here, living the life I've been given - having adventures, making mistakes, experiencing new things, and learning to truly live. When I think about it that way, it casts a feeling of awe and reverence over the typical carol-singing and cookie-eating.

I guess what it really comes down to, as one of my very favorite characters stated so wisely, "Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more."

It does. And that's what I truly love about Christmas.

Viva la Vida.

It's a girl!!!

Not me, you sillies.

My best friend/practically sister is going to have a girl!

And I am VERY excited for her!!!

Pieces of me

I was thinking tonight about who I am.
What influences have shaped the person I've become?
If any given aspect of my life would have been different, what kind of person would I be today?
How much of me came with me, and how much of me has been shaped by the life I've lived?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I know that every experience, every aspect of my life, has changed me in some way. Losing a friend, and then losing another one. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room. My baptism. The day I sat on the curb and cried with my best friend. The time I learned to forgive someone I hated. The time I realized I hadn't truly forgiven someone that had hurt me. The day I ran away from home. Hundreds of young women activities where I felt alone, and the handful where I didn't anymore. The first day I walked through the junior high school, and the choice I made on the baseball field at lunch. The teacher who wrote in my yearbook and inspired me for the rest of my life. The time I made my first close friends, and the time I had to walk away. The time I stepped on a shoelace and fell in love. The night where my heart broke, and the night where I let it heal. The time where I drove away from a house and my whole world changed. Letting go of something very important to me. The evening on the tennis court where my whole life changed. The day that me and my guitar learned how to truly live. The time I got on an airplane and flew a million miles away, and the day I came back.

It's all a part of me. Moments, experiences, people, hundreds of people who have no idea of the impact they left on my life, but without their being there I wouldn't be the same. It's crazy and amazing and mind boggling all at the same time.

Who am I? What made me me? Who will I be in a year, two years, ten years? What else lies in store?

Viva la Vida

What Christmas is all about...

Christmas!
In 17 days, folks.
Are you ready?
Are you still boggled down with finals and papers and silly sludgy stuff like that?
If you are, maybe you're feeling like Christmas is just expensive
And time consuming
And a lot of work.
Maybe you're having a hard time remembering what Christmas is all about.
If so, you should take a break and watch this.
And take a minute to give thanks for the amazing Gift that was given to us, which we celebrate on Christmas day.





Good luck to you all on finals, work, travels, and anything else you might be struggling with this Christmas season. And merry, merry Christmas!

Rearview Mirror

Have you ever done something you're not proud of?
Been someone you didn't like?
Asked a question that was incredibly unnecessary?
Done something stupid and then mentally kicked yourself for days?
Wished with all your heart you could go back and change the past?

I know I've done all these things on occasion. Especially the last one. But I heard something the other day, I don't remember if it was a commercial or song lyrics or what, but it used the phrase, "looking in the rearview mirror of my life."

It made me think a lot about rearview mirrors.
Everybody's got one. That's not the important part. The important part is that we have windshields, too. And the windshield is waaaay bigger than the rearview mirror. It means that the past is a part of the future, but the future swallows up the past, and there's a whole lot of road up there to live, to fill with good and better things, to improve upon.

It's like knitting a scarf. The first part can be lumpy and uneven, but it gets better as it goes along. I guess life's like that sometimes. You figure it out. It's never going to be perfect, tied up neatly, lined up straight. There'll be problems and trials and plenty of mistakes. But that's not the important part. The important part is keeping going forward. Focus on the good in life, and the good in yourself. Smile. It's so much happier that way.

Viva la Vida.

Onwards and Upwards

Life has a funny way of going on even when you wonder how it will...

• I got a new job. I'm now the Admissions Assistant/Undergrad secretary/person in the School of Music. It's a step up from my old job, I've worked a total of 9 hours now and I love it! It also pays better which will just make life easier... yay for being a less-poor college student!
• I went to the Scarlet Pimpernel musical. The best part was a) the kid playing Armand was super, super cute, and b) I got a copy of the book (I didn't even know there WAS a book!) and am now halfway through. It's really good so far - I love the movie with Jane Seymour the best so far, though. You just can't beat that.
  
• This summer I started sewing an apron. It's going to be fabulously cute when it's done, but so far it's proving difficult. I can't get the pockets right. I made six pockets yesterday and none were satisfactory. When I get it right and it's finished, I'll post pictures.
  
• I ran across my planner from my senior year of high school last night, and I spent an hour reading it and indulging myself in a memory-fest. It's funny the things that change, and the things that don't. I really love life that way.
• I realized today there's only 28 days left of the longest year of my life. The year spent entirely without my best friend. 2010 is almost over. It's been a really good year, but I can't really express how completely excited I am for it to finally be 2011. Still lots of months left, and I'm okay with that - I have lots to do! - but as good as it was, I'm ready to leave 2010 in the dust.
  
• And on that note, 22 days until Christmas!!! The best day of the entire year! And December is definitely the best month!

I love life. I love the crazy ups and downs. I love the opportunities, the moments you snatch and live to the fullest. I love the times when I just look up at the sky and can't help but smile, because I have a beautiful, wonderful life, filled with so many blessings I can't even begin to list! Life is so good to me. Viva la Vida!

The end of a dream.

So I haven't really had the heart to blog about the last week in Spain, but I should probably do it before too much time passes. It went way too fast. Kind of like a freight train rushing off to somewhere, and you can't really get off, because you know you have to get there, but still, you wish you could stay, at least for a moment.

Anyway, our last day in Spain we had "graduation." I'm still waiting for my grades to be posted, but I'm pretty sure I did well. But we had a little graduation ceremony at AlcaLingua to celebrate finishing up.

Vega, Cristina, me, and Rebeca - my teachers. I love these women so much!

Melanie and I with our diplomas - three months of "homework" in our little bedroom paid off! :)

The next day we headed off to the Canary Islands for four days! Only seven of the ten of us went, and our first day there was a bit gloomy, because we were all missing the other three, two of which we may never see again. Plus it was cloudy. But after that, the sun came out, and we spent four days lying on the beach, hanging out at the pool, swimming in the ocean, and staying up reeeeeally late at night talking about life and getting to know each other better.

Carina, Melanie, me, and Isabel. We made some amazing memories in the Canaries that I'll never forget. <3>

Me, Melanie, Isabel, Carina on Playa de las Americas on Tenerife island.

We flew back to Alcala on the 23rd, and then three of us flew backhome on the 24th. I cried for a full half hour once on the plane, when I couldn't see Madrid out my window anymore. My flights went okay, I was delayed in Chicago, but I got home, and that was that.

It's weird thinking back, now, on the whole experience. It seems kind of distant and far away, now that I'm back in "real life" picking up where I left off when I left for Spain. It's a lot like a dream, almost as if it didn't even happen. But it did. And it changed me. It changed the way I look at the world. It opened doors to me that before I was afraid to enter. It changed the way I look at myself, the way I feel about my own capabilities, the way I feel about myself when I interact with groups, with friends. It taught me that people all over the world, albeit we have our cultural differences, are still the same. We all have hopes and dreams and wishes. I think that's the biggest thing I learned - that despite some differences, people all over are still the same. And when you define the relationship by the similarities, not the differences, you find friends you never thought you'd ever discover. Friends that change your life forever.

Viva España!