This time last year

I was thinking today about this time last year, and how things have changed in the course of a year. Last April I was so scared. I was scared of finals, scared of moving home, scared I'd not have any friends all summer, scared what it would be like living at home again, scared I wouldn't be able to do as much with Ryan, scared of working full time all summer, and scared most of all of the uncertain things in my future, like Ryan leaving on his mission, and wondering what it would be like and how life would change. I spent so much time being scared that many of the really good memories from springtime last year are tinted with it, because it was always there with me.

Now, I look at this year, and I think, am I as scared? It's been almost a year since Ryan left, and yeah, life has changed, and it's different, but it isn't bad, in fact, it's far from it. Moving home wasn't bad at all. I had and still have plenty of friends. Finals weren't anything like I thought they would be - they weren't bad at all. Working full time was one of the biggest blessings once Ryan left, because it kept me busy.

Life changes. Sometimes it's scary. Most of the time you have no idea what to expect. Once again, I don't know what to expect. I haven't yet found a second job, I'm facing a semester abroad, but when I really think about it, I'm not really scared. It's actually a really weird feeling to not be afraid of the unknown. But even if I don't get another job, even if the summer is long and boring, even if Spain is crazy and scary, I'm not afraid. I'm just excited! Life is too short to waste it being afraid. I feel light, and happy, and most of all free.

You know what's weird? I think the last ten months passed faster than any other ten months of my life. It's frightening sometimes how short life really is. Never ever waste a single moment!