the monster under the bed

I learned about another person who has cancer today.

I suppose I should confess that cancer and disease are one of my deepest fears. I try very hard to keep that part of life separate from my own, keep from seeing it, thinking about it, encountering it. I guess maybe it's one of those "if I pretend it isn't there, it won't be" kind of things. But it seems that especially lately, cancer has been encroaching on the edges of the territory of my life, and it frightens me. I hate the thought of a disease that has no known cure, one the the treatments debilitate you to the point that many times it seems life isn't even worth fighting for anymore, a disease that takes the young and the old and everyone in between with no real predictable rhyme or reason, a disease that tears apart families and changes lives forever.

And it it's not that I'm afraid to get cancer, because while that would be an immense trial, it couldn't even compare to the pain of losing a family member, a child, a parent, a spouse prematurely, or even just watching them suffer like that. I like to tell myself that I am a very strong person, equipped to handle any trial that comes my way, and I do know that I could overcome anything with a lot of help. But I don't know how I would handle something like that. It would be incredibly difficult, and it scares me, because it's a reality for so many people in the world.

My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered from or watched a loved one suffer or pass away. I admire your strength and your ability to overcome.