Trapped

Do you ever feel like your life is run by the requirement to always make the most practical and logical decision in every situation, whether it's what you really want to do or not?

I do.

Sometimes I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled, trapped in a tower of my own making, a tower made by the little voice in my head that won't let me do anything that doesn't lead straight to the practical, efficient, logical life I have planned out for myself. No surprises. No major bumps. Prepared for anything. No impulsive decisions, making decisions on whims, or following my heart allowed if it contradicts the life plan and schedule I have.

So it's a fight between the two sides of me: do the practical thing, be prepared, be logical, or take risks, chase dreams, follow whims. Where is the balance?

I feel like I'm forty years old with the weight of my whole life riding on every single decision I make.

The joy of scheduling...

So I'm trying to figure out how to not go crazy next fall semester, so that I'm less busy, have more time for homework, more time for other activities, and less stress all around.

Unfortunately, a solution is eluding me. Between a disappointing lack of happiness in the class offerings, the necessity of working 20 hours a week, my desire to keep trying to pay off my student loans before I graduate, taking dance classes that are low in credit hours... between all that, it's a hopeless cause.

I don't want to graduate, because then a) I have to stop folk dancing, b) my loans start accumulating interest, and c) I have to be a real person... But looking forward to semesters like this makes me awfully anxious to wear that cap and gown.

One of my new favorite quotes

And it is beautiful.

Viva la Vida.

Ten Things to be thankful for

1. My family. I love them more than anything, and I am who I am today because of them.
2. My best friend, who is currently on a mission. He's amazing, and I'm so happy at how wonderful of a person and missionary he is.
3. Springtime. I love the warmer weather, and just sitting in the grass and looking at the flowers make life worthwhile.
4. Music. Especially inspirational music. It lifts my spirit when nothing else works.
5. The scriptures. There is peace and comfort in the scriptures for any challenge or trial. The Lord really does speak through the scriptures.
6. Fruit. I've never appreciated a sweet, crunchy apple as much as I did today.
7. The Atonement. It gives me the knowledge that Someone has gone before, and with His help, I can overcome anything.
8. Neighbors. Especially the ones that you know will be there, and you can rely on them, no matter what.
9. Friends. It's not about what you do, or what you get in this life, it's about the relationships you build along the way. I hope my friends know how much they mean to me, and if they don't, I hope I continue to show them.
10. Life. It's the greatest, most beautiful blessing I've ever been given, and I suddenly realize how short, how fragile, how precious it is. Live your life. Don't ever waste a moment of it. You never, ever know how much time you have left, and when my time comes, in those last moments when my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see it and smile, knowing that I did my best, and I really, truly lived.

Viva la Vida.

Book review bashing

So can I just say, that the simple, 4-page book review for my doctrine and covenants class has turned into a giant, 4-page nightmare, because as it turns out, I'm an excellent summary writer, and the analysis is somewhat elusive, I mean, really, how am I supposed to analyze something without summarizing? Despite the seventeen-slide powerpoint on how to write an analytical book review in a concise and precise manner, I find myself sitting at my computer for over two hours, typing out sentences and promptly erasing them, and finally packing up and heading home, frustrated, annoyed, and overall feeling like I wasted the whole night, and even as I pick up my backpack, I'm still tempted to sit back down at the computer and start again, because tonight was the night to write this darn thing, not to sit and start it over and over again.


agggggggghhhhhhhh!

Cooking creations: Easy Chili

Easy chili

- 1 can Western Family Natural Directions chili beans (sold at Macey's for about $1) or any other generic can of plain chili beans
- 1 can petite diced tomatoes
- 1/3 packet Lawry's Chili Seasoning (also sold at Macey's) or you can experiment with other chili flavorings, but this one is the best!

Mix together in pan, heat to warm, and EAT! Serves 2.

Meat variation: Brown a little bit of hamburger in a frying pan and add it - as much as you want.

Too much Honor?

Anyone who is anyone in Utah has heard about the current controversy over the basketball team. Brandon Davies, one of the top three players on our team, broke the Honor Code. He was dismissed from the team right at the end of the regular season, just when BYU was doing so well and was looking forward to a bright future in the playoffs, which diminished, if not destroyed, their chances at the success they had been anticipating.

Some have said this was a stupid, foolish move. BYU stood to gain national fame, not to mention money and reputation, in the playoffs this year. This was a chance that the team members would never have again. Why, then, would they do something like this, right at the end of the season? People have said that they should have waited - delayed the punishment, let him play until the end of the season, keep it quiet for now, wait until the pressure was off.

How is this any different from the view in the scriptures that God will "beat us with a few stripes" and then quickly forgive us? The scriptures clearly indicate that this is wrong. The Lord doesn't tolerate sin, and it doesn't matter the circumstances, not even if there's a national championship riding on it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Brandon Davies can't be forgiven. I feel immensely sorry for him, and I imagine that he's suffering huge amounts of embarrassment and regret over his actions, especially considering the way it's affected so many people, including his teammates. I don't even pretend to call judgment on him or in any way condemn or pardon him - that is not my place. I simply wonder why people seem to think that avoiding, postponing, or evading the established consequences of breaking the Honor Code at BYU should happen in this situation. Essentially, they think an "exception" should have been made in his case. Why should there be an exception to honor; an exception to integrity? Does that not diminish the very integrity that the Honor Code exists to encourage?

I have never been quite as proud of BYU as I have been the last week. We have showed the world that there are more important things in life than winning, money, and fame. I support Coach Rose's decision, and am proud to be ridiculed for having "too much Honor."

President Hinckley summed it up in a talk here on campus a number of years ago:

"In all this world there is no substitute for personal integrity. It includes honor. It includes performance. It includes keeping one's word. It includes doing what is right regardless of the circumstances."