Distracting myself...

I got this off my friend's blog. Make sure your volume is up (no worries, it's just music).

http://seawitchery.tumblr.com/post/4070384205/i-started-out-clicking-strategically-and-by-the

Day Zero: #31

I realize it's months after the fact, but I crossed another Day Zero goal off my list while in Spain. Our hotel in the Canary Islands had a beautiful swimming pool, and one sunny afternoon Melanie and Carina tried to teach me how to swim (properly). I have this thing about accidentally inhaling half the pool when I try to swim, but I gave it my best shot, so, even though I'm not much better than I was before, I think I'll count it. Hey, I can get around just fine - earlier that day we had gone down to the beach with McKay and swum out into the ocean, out to the end of the rocks that extended out into the bay. I don't know how deep the water was... I don't really want to know... but I didn't drown, so we're going to call the swimming goal good and cross it off the list. :)

Decision...

One the one hand: Friends, cold apartment, possible ants, and a full year contract to have to sell part of.

On the other hand: Strangers, probably warm apartment, probably no ants, and not having to sell the contract, barring life changes.

So. Is living with people who are already sort of my friends worth it? How the heck to decide?

Folk dance feeling

It happened on the last dance, the one from Macedonia (I think) where everyone holds hands and sings from their hearts. And suddenly I looked around at all the people in the big, long line, the strangers on either side of me, the PAC and SPAC and WDS and 10Wilk Pirates and 8Wilk and 2RB and my own teammates from 9Wilk Laloemileelo, and I just wanted to hug all of them. There's a special feeling that comes from dancing for two hours in a hot, sweaty room, where you can't even understand the words to the songs, and your legs hurt, and there's a long line for the drinking fountain, but you dance hard, and you dance from your heart. There's something special about that, something you can't quite put into words. It's like family, even though you don't even know everyone's names or anything about them. For a minute all the team cliques broke, and we were all folk dancers, all celebrating our chance to share feelings in our hearts through dance. It was the most beautiful moment, and it left a warm feeling in my heart that just won't go away.

I'm so blessed to be a member of the International Folk Dance Ensemble. This has been one of the most amazing experiences of my time in college, and I'm so so glad I have four more semesters to enjoy it even more!

Viva la vida... and don't forget to DANCE!

Trapped

Do you ever feel like your life is run by the requirement to always make the most practical and logical decision in every situation, whether it's what you really want to do or not?

I do.

Sometimes I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled, trapped in a tower of my own making, a tower made by the little voice in my head that won't let me do anything that doesn't lead straight to the practical, efficient, logical life I have planned out for myself. No surprises. No major bumps. Prepared for anything. No impulsive decisions, making decisions on whims, or following my heart allowed if it contradicts the life plan and schedule I have.

So it's a fight between the two sides of me: do the practical thing, be prepared, be logical, or take risks, chase dreams, follow whims. Where is the balance?

I feel like I'm forty years old with the weight of my whole life riding on every single decision I make.

The joy of scheduling...

So I'm trying to figure out how to not go crazy next fall semester, so that I'm less busy, have more time for homework, more time for other activities, and less stress all around.

Unfortunately, a solution is eluding me. Between a disappointing lack of happiness in the class offerings, the necessity of working 20 hours a week, my desire to keep trying to pay off my student loans before I graduate, taking dance classes that are low in credit hours... between all that, it's a hopeless cause.

I don't want to graduate, because then a) I have to stop folk dancing, b) my loans start accumulating interest, and c) I have to be a real person... But looking forward to semesters like this makes me awfully anxious to wear that cap and gown.

One of my new favorite quotes

And it is beautiful.

Viva la Vida.